What I thought was You
by The Fifth Champion
Summary: Tea Gardner never understood Seto Kaiba. So what happens when she finds a journal on the floor with his name written in it? Especially when it holds all of his deep fears and worst memories. And what will happen when Seto finds out she's been reading it?
1. A book?

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, this is just a fanfic.

Author's Note: Hey! This is only the second story that I'm putting up here, and I hope you like it. Please, please, PLEASE, read and review!!!! It would be much appreciated :) As I said in my last story, I've only seen the American version, therefore I've gotten most of my information off line, so it may be inaccurate, I'm sorry about that. I'm trying to keep it as true as I can. If you have any pointers, you can add it in with a comment. Oh yeah, and please NO FLAMES!!! Thank you! Hope you all enjoy the story!

**What I Thought was You**

**Prologue: Remaining Fear **

_True fear is something not easily found. It's something that you must venture to the darkest of places, the deepest of nightmares, to reach. It's a fear seldom found. But once you get there, you can never go back. He knew. He had experienced such fear. _

_It didn't matter how many years passed. The fear stayed. No matter how many times he tried to put the horrible visions behind him, they lingered. They plagued and tormented him. If not in consciousness, then while he slept. _

_He didn't tell all the others around him about the fears that still clung close to his heart. He dared not open his mouth to any of them-for none of them would ever understand. How would they comprehend the many stinging bruises he had once felt on his skin, or the blood that had trickle down his face too many times? _

_They wouldn't comprehend it. They wouldn't understand. _

_Not that he even wanted them to. No. Talking about those times, merely _thinking_ about those times, would just make everything so much worse. Then cruelty would hit him hard in the face and he would remember-it had been real. Not a dream, not a nightmare, but as real everyone around him. _

_Time passed but that didn't stop him from looking over his shoulder, watching anxiously to see if the monster would ever return, his dark eyes blazing down over the innocent boy's shoulder. Analyzing everything so that it was completely accurate, perfect. And thesmall boyknew what would happen if it wasn't. _

_The boy buried that fear under his cold outlook on life, and tried to make himself superior, better, then those around him. Trying to hide the bleeding wounds that still hurt him so deeply only made the scars dig further into his heart._

_And fear still stayed. The boy wans't so small anymore, but throughout the entire facade, everyday of the boy's life, the fear still stayed... _

**Chapter one: A book? **

If there was one person that Tea Gardner didn't understand, it was Seto Kaiba. Nobody she knew acted nearly as arrogant or self-centered as he. Never once had she seen a human being that found joy spending numerous hours with machines and technology instead of spending it with living people. In fact, Seto Kaiba seemed to push away anyone he felt came to close to him. Besides, of course, his little brother.

Another factor that Tea didn't understand. How could Mokuba hold such compassion for his big brother, when all he did was sneer at others? Constantly taunting Joey and all her friends... But no, Mokuba seemed to look up to his older brother like he was the only meaning for life, which only puzzled Tea even more. After all, Kaiba probably spent most of his day typing away on his laptop, like he did everyday during the school's resources.

Yes, these were the thoughts that flew across the young brunette's mind as she looked over at the young CEO, who was sitting in the back of the large lunchroom. "Tea! Hey Teeeeeeaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! What's wrong with ya? Are you spacin' out or somethin?" Tea shook her head, returning to reality. Joey's brown eyes studing her curiously. "What's up with you?" he asked. "Ya seemed to be thinkin' of somethin'." Tea smiled slightly, though she couldn't stop the blush from creeping up her face. She knew there was no reason-it wasn't like she was really been _day dreaming _about Kaiba or anything. No, she was only wondering why he was such a creep. But still, she didn't like the idea of Joey, no matter how good friends they were, finding out she had been thinking about him. "Nothing really...just...umm...my Christmas list." Tea finally finished. Joey's eyes gleamed. "I can't believe the holidays are so close by! Before we know it, we're gonna be outta this prison!" "Only for Christmas break, you know Joey. We _do _have to come back eventually." Tristan replied, returning from the cafeteria with his tray. "Don't ruin my hopes." Joey grumbled, eyeing Tristan's sandwich with interest. "Whoa, those lines are so long!" Yugi Moto exclaimed, seating himself down next to Tea. "It took me forever just to order a plate of french fries, and then I had to get the rest of my meal." Tea chuckled as she turned over to her spiky haired friend. "That's why I normally _bring_ my lunch." she replied, biting into a cookie she had helped her mother bake last night. "Yeah." Tristan muttered between slurps of his soda. "But-_slurp_-there's never anything good-_slurp-_in my house." Tea giggled as her blue eyes drifted across the table, resting on each of her friends' faces. She was so happy that Battle City had ended (which seemed like ages ago) and that now her and her companions could go on with normal life.

_Well, about as normal as they can get...knowing a 5,000 year old spirit! _Tea marveled, her eyes falling on Yugi's golden puzzle. This was going to be Yami's first Christmas, and it was bound to be a laugh watching the ancient pharaoh try to decorate a Christmas tree.

Tea finished her lunch and stared at her empty paper bag. "Well, I better go throw this out, be back in a minute, guys!" Tea annoucned, grabbing the bag and beginning to walk towards the far end of the room. Her thoughts werestill content to wander over Christmas holiday, parties, and gifts. _Not to mention the snow. _Tea reminded herself. No matter how cold, Tea couldn't help but love the white flurries of snow that settled into her hair and all around her. It was snowing at this very moment, icy whiteness clinging to the school's window sills- "Ouch!" Tea had just stumbled into someone. The tray in the person's hands had fallen with a clatter, spraying all over both and them...and the laptop that had also been in his hands. "What's wrong with you, you moron!" Seto Kaiba shouted. "You should watch where your going before you go off into your own dreamland!" His face was contorted with anger, sticky soda messing up his normally neat hair. "Oh, sorry." Tea groaned, embarrassment rising up within her. "I didn't mean to, here, let me help-" "I don't _need _any help!" Kaiba yelled out irritably. He cried out in frustration when he saw his food splattered laptop. "The laptop broke! _Great, _that just means I lost the report I've been writing for days!" "I said sorry, Kaiba." Tea replied, a bit coldly now, as she crossed her arms over her chest. _"Sorry." _Kaiba scoffed. "As if it made a difference if you hadn't said anything at all..." He grabbed his own belongings, including the busted laptop and the messy tray, and stalked off, fuming.

Tea wasn't in the best mood herself. _Fine, be that way. _She thought as she picked up her own garbage. _See if I care... _It was then she noticed the little black book on the floor. It was small and plain, the only two words written across it were "my journal", printed in gold ink. Tea stared at it curiously. Her eyes flickered over to where Kaiba sat, still smoking from their encounter.

This couldn't possibly be...his? The thought of Kaiba having a diary made her almost laugh out loud, but she contained herself, realizing it would be rude, and that it probably wasn't his anyway. Instead, she grabbed the little book and pocketed it. _I'll check it's name later and give it back at the end of the day. _She told herself. Lunch period was almost over anyway, and if it really did belong to Kaiba, she had a feeling now wasn't the best time to give it to him.

"What happened Tea? Did you bump into somebody?" Yugi asked as Tea seated herself back down. "Yeah." Tea explained briskly. "_Kaiba. _Had a tantrum because I accidently made him drop his laptop...I said sorry, but he wouldn't listen." "Dose Kaiba _ever _listen?" Joey added thickly, now chewing on a sandwich that had once been Tristan's. "Hey, that was mine!" Tristan yelled when he saw Joey biting into it yet again. "Well, it's mine now!" Joey laughed, cramming more of it down his throat. "You better pay me back!" Tristan growled. "Will you two cut it out." Tea replied, watching as her two friends glared at each other."Don't worry Tea, they always make up sooner or later." Yugi laughed as Tristan tried to put Joey in a headlock.

Tea smiled, and reached her hand into her pocket, about to show Yugi the diary she had just found. But then she stopped herself. For some reason, she felt like she should keep it a secret. Like it was private, something not meant to be spoken about. _Well, it _is _a journal after all. _Tea reminded herself. The bell rang seconds later, giving Tea no time to think of it much longer. Instead she collected her books and headed towards global class.

The sugary white snowflakes whizzed past the brunette's eyes as her feet crunched in the fresh snow. The day had passed by in a blur. Only about a half a week left of school... Tea felt like a balloon was being blown up in her chest as her happiness grew even further. She had said goodbye to her friends, and was on her path home now. She wished that she could have walked with them, but they all had different routes home, and Tea's mother had pacifically told her to get home right away.

She walked down the block, eyes staring at all the fancy decorated mansions, for she had to pass this neighborhood to get to her own. As she walked onward, she saw the largest house of all, the Kaiba mansion, located right in the center of the block. It seemed to tower on endlessly, more like a castle then a mansion.

It was just then that Tea felt a strange weight in her pocket. "Oh dammit!" Tea groaned as she pulled out the little journal. She had forgotten all about it in her haste to get out of the school. _Well, now's a better time then ever to check the name. _Tea thought, deciding she'd give it back to the owner tomorrow.

She opened the small booklet, and the name she saw momentarily stunned her. In neat, scripted handwriting was the name: _Seto Kaiba. _She couldn't believe that this was actually his journal! Her eyes itched as she saw that the next page was filled with the same writing. Meaning that Seto had somehow found the time to write a few entries.

_I' m not a snoop! _Tea told herself. _I don't go around reading other people's private thoughts... _She cast a look as the huge mansion, wondering if she should knock on the door and return it. She wasn't so sure. He probably wouldn't appreciate her coming over to his mansion, especially after she had caused him to drop his laptop. Maybe she'd just give the journal to him tomorrow.

Before she closed the book, her sapphire eyes caught hold of two sentences. _"I can't take it anymore. The nightmares keep getting worse." _She almost gasped as curiosity overtook her, and she went to look at it once more. It was very hard to stop herself. In fact, she didn't think that she'd have been able to at all if it hadn't been for young Mokuba Kaiba, who appeared on the large front lawn.

"Hey Tea!" he chimed. "What's up?" Tea's stomach gave a jolt when she heard the little Kaiba's voice. "Oh, hey Mokuba." she stuttered nervously, fumbling to get the book in her bag. She didn't want Mokuba to think she'd been reading Kaiba's journal. A little voice in the back of Tea's head whispered that she _had _been reading it, or at least had been_starting_ to, but Tea pushed it out of her mind.

"Nothing, Mokuba." she replied, her voice higher then normal. "Just walking home, you?" It was on the tip of her tongue to mention the journal, but she thought that would only make Mokuba think she was nosy, still having it with her.The young Kaiba angled his eyes skeptically at Tea's tone, but chose to ignore it. "Nothing either...I was just thinking of how I can make this Christmas year different." "You want to do something different for Christmas this year?" Tea asked. Mokuba nodded. "Seto's always busy working-he never has any chance to enjoy the holidays. I was hoping this year I could kind of pull him away from that...just for a little while." Tea smiled. "That's sweet." she told him. Mokuba grinned. "Thanks. My mother always loved Christmas-"

Suddenly Mokuba broke off. The boy just stood there, as if he suddenly realized what the words coming out of his mouth meant. There was an extremely awkward silence."Er...Mokuba?" Tea asked tensely. She didn't understand what had caused Mokuba to suddenly act so strangely.

Then again, if her mind hadn't been on this, it probably would have been on why he had mention his mother in the third person.

The boy's face almost instantly snapped up from staring at his heels. "Oh, sorry Tea." he apologize, grinning once more. But his smile seemed somewhat faded and stressed, like it wasn't real. Tea waited for him to explain his actions, but he said not a word. Instead he only replied that he'd better get inside before either Seto or one of the workers found him outside in the freezing weather.

Tea bid him farewell and left, thoughts now whirling through her mind. Why had Mokuba become so silent at mentioning his mother's name? It was perfectly normal-everybody talked about their families...

Suddenly Tea stopped. She had reached the end of the block, and her feet were going numb as icy water seeped through her weak school shoes. She didn't notice this, however. Her thoughts reeled back to Mokuba's words. _"My mother always loved Christmas-" _

He had said that his mother _had _loved it, not that she still did. Perhaps...they didn't have a mother anymore? Pity as well as curiosity welled up inside of Tea.

She suddenly became very aware of the journal that was in her backpack. It wouldn't be that hard to just whip it out and read a few sentences... Tea hardly knew what had come over her. She suddenly found herself reaching into the bag and pulling out the little book. There in the young CEO's neat handwriting, was a full entry. Teas couldn't stop her blue eyes from flashing across the lines.

_I can't take it anymore. The nightmares keep getting worse. They've been going on since that faithful day Gozaburo died, but they're getting more real every night. Sometimes when I wake up I think I still feel the bruises I became so accustom to while he was still alive. It' s like everytime I fall asleep I'm taking a trip down memory lane. A trip very much not wanted._

_T o make matters worse, Christmas is coming up. Of course, Mokuba wants to get a tree and go through the whole holiday traditions, although I'd much rather pass it up. I keep trying to convince him and even myself that it's because of work that I don't want to get involved, but I know that it isn't really the reason._

_Christmas was always Mother's favorite holiday. Every time I see a lighted tree or a gingerbread house I picture that feeble woman lying in a hospital bed. The image's been burned into my brain, and won't leave, not matter how much I want it too. _

_I can't tell Mokuba this though. He's always felt partially responsible for her death, though it's not his fault. It was that damn hospital. They should have saved her, but instead they just let her fade away on that stupid mattress. And then after that they took Father too. They let them leave Mokuba and me out in the cold. Mokuba doesn't seem to realize that he's the only part of my mother I have left. They have the same eyes, the same face. _

_Truth be told, I don't know why I'm writing this. It brings back all these memories that I've tried so hard to bury. It's strange though, as hard as I try to keep them out of my mind, the clearer the thoughts begin to form. _

Tea stared at the words before her, her hands sweaty even though the air was freezing. It seemed like she had just found the key to the mysteries of Seto Kaiba.


	2. Just a line or two

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh

Author's note: This would have been updated earlier, but that new upgrade thing stopped me. Oh...and, WHOA!!! I have so many more reviews then my first story...I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!! This chapter is dedicated to all of you, I hope you enjoy it! Please read and review!!!! And NO FLAMES!!!

**Chapter two: Just a line or two... **

"Where is it???? Where did I put it???" Seto Kaiba called out angrily. Every draw in his dresser was open, clothes was sprawled across the floor, books thrown off his desk. At the moment, however, Seto didn't care. He clenched his teeth in aggravation, blue eyes taking in every aspect of the messy room. But it still wasn't there.

"Seto, what's going on?" He heard the small footsteps of his little brother entering his room. "Nothing Mokuba." Seto answered automatically. "Are you looking for something?" the boy asked, casting all look around the dismantled room. "It's fine." Seto sighed. A somewhat compassionate smile flickered across his usually emotionless face. "Just go back downstairs..." Mokuba frowned as he looked up at his brother. After a few minutes, he left, muttering that if Seto needed any help to call him.

A frown appeared on Seto's own lips soon after Mokuba closed the door. It wasn't that he didn't trust his brother, it was just that he didn't want to pile more worries on Mokuba's already troubled mind. It was easy to see Mokuba was unhappy about something, Seto just wondered it was... Anyway, telling him about his lost journal would only make Mokuba worry about where it might be, and who could find it, and Seto was doing enough of that by himself.

He turned back to the disarrayed desk. Where had he put that stupid book? He closed his eyes and retraced his footsteps. He had been writing in it last night...and then he had put it down...in his trench coat pocket! Yes, the one that he had been wearing lately. He had hung it on the back of his chair, so had simply stuck the book in there.

Seto let out a sigh of relief and turned out his pockets. He wondered vaguely why he hadn't felt it's weight of it in his pocket before, but realized that it was probably because he had been preoccupied.

But there was nothing in his pockets.

In a frantic haze, Seto pulled out every pocket. There was nothing in any of them except a small collection of lint. His heart was pumping hard. He couldn't have...he _wouldn't have..._left it in school? The wave of panic broke over him. If it was at school, anyone, _anyone, _could pick it up, and then they'd know everything about him. All the things he refused to tell a single living soul. He felt sick as an image of Wheeler appeared before him, laughing as he flipped through every page of the book.

"No...that's impossible." Seto assured himself, shaking the image away. He was absolutely sure that it was lying somewhere on the floor of the school, just waiting for him to pick it up again. Nobody had even laid on eye on what he had written.

Nobody except a fifteen year old brunette, still standing at the street corner, gaping at his own words.

Tea snapped the book closed with shaking hands. The words were ringing in her head. _Orphans. _Kaiba and Mokuba were orphans. She couldn't believe it. Rich, spoiled Seto Kaiba, parentless? Her mouth went unmistakably dry.

But Kaiba had spoke about someone else in the entry too. About a man, named Gozaburo. _Probably Kaiba's uncle or something. _Tea barely noticed that she was moving across the street now. _"Sometimes when I wake up I think I still feel the bruises I became so accustom to while I was still alive."_

The girl felt like an ice cube had slipped down her throat at the thought of the line. That sentence couldn't possibly mean... No, of course not. Seto Kaiba's guardian had been a rich, perfect man, and Kaiba had lived a rich perfect childhood.

Yeah, sure.

By the time Tea reached her house, there was a group of small children, caroling in front of it. _"The first Noel, the angel did say, was to certain poor shepherds in fields where they lay..." _Smiling slightly, Kaiba's words were forgotten as the rushing thought of Christmas returned to her.

"Hi! You all sing so beautiful." Tea commented as she reached her house. Up close she that the most of the children's clothes looked rather patched and dirty. "Thank you!" a small child chimed. "We're trying to make money for our orphanage!" Tea's smile faded into a sympathetic one. The little boy was clutching a tin that had "Sunshine Home for parentless children" written across it.

Sunshine home had to be about the poorest orphanage in town. Tea reached inside her pocket and pulled out her leftover lunch money. The small boy gasped. "That's the most we've gotten so far! Thanks, miss!"

Grinning, Tea entered her house feeling like she had just done something worth while.

As she stepped into the living room, the smell of baking cookies overpowered her. It didn't surprise her, however, Tea's mother was most content in the kitchen. After living with the woman for sixteen years she had gotten used to it."I'm home, Mom!" Tea called from the livingroom. "Gee Tea, all it took was a few steps and you could have _said _that instead of _screaming _it." her mother scolded, walking out of the kitchen. She was dusting powder off her apron. "Sorry." Tea apologized, leaning her bag against the side of the wall. It was just then she remembered she hadn't put Seto's journal back in it. She hastily stuffed it in her pocket. She didn't know why, but she didn't want her mom to know about it.

"So, anything happen in school today?" Tea's mother asked, glancing curiously at her daughter. "No..." Tea trailed off. "Nothing, really. I'm gonna change out of my uniform." Tea headed up the stairs right away, the book still in her pocket.

Normally she really would be getting out of her uniform, but today she pulled out the diary. She watched as it's shiny black cover caught the light of her lamp. She was so tempted to opened it...to read just a little bit more... And that's exactly what she did. Guilt bubbled up inside of her, but what Kaiba didn't know wouldn't hurt him, right?

_Times were good back then, when our parents were still alive. Mother got so excited around Christmas. We had all these sacred traditions that she wouldn't dare break. Like buying a real tree, and having the youngest place the star on top. That was always me. It would have been Mokuba, but Mother died soon after he was born._

_Then my parents would light a fire and read to me-normally "A Christmas Carol", or something along that line. At moments like that nothing seemed to matter. Not even how everyone in school hated me for getting top grades. Things were perfect. _

_My parents were modest people, they didn't ask for much. My father was so in love with my mother that I though he was on the verge of killing himself after her death. But he lived, lived to protect us. Too bad he couldn't stay that long. _

_A reckless driver came speeding down the road, crashing into my father's car. He was sent to the hospital, but it was too late. After that me and Mokuba was ultimately left alone. _

_We had no living relatives, and my parents friends didn't have enough money to support us. So instead we were sent off one of those broken down orphanages._

_Sure, some promised they'd come get us, others said it was a shame, but nobody really cared. Not enough to do something about it. _

_Sometimes I see children from that very orphanage caroling down the block. They always skip my house. I think they might be afraid of me, or maybe they think I can' t be bothered. Either way, I suppose that they'd never guess I used to be one of them. _

Tea's eyes widened as she finished the second entry. That group of scraggly children

singing on her doorstop, had come from the same orphanage as _Kaiba? _It seemed impossible.

Tea flicked the book closed. So Kaiba really wasn't related to Gozaburo at all... Not that it mattered. She was still sure that he had lived a perfect life as soon as he had been adopted. Well, almost sure. A small seed of doubt began to grow inside of her. Kaiba _did_ give a lot of hints that after his parents deaths his _entire life _had gone downhill. It was strange, what Kaiba wrote in here sounded almost _human..._

She was about to continue when she heard the doorbell ring downstairs. It was followed by her mother's footsteps, and the opening of a door. "Wow, Mrs. Garden, your house is soooo cute!" Came a voice down in the living room.

Tea recognized it right away. It was Mai Valentine. Tea hadn't seen her since all the way at Battle City. She hurried to get out of her uniform, and headed downstairs, leaving the book on her dresser.

Mai had evidently made herself comfortable. She had thrown her coat on the coach, and was now inspecting the Gardner's Christmas tree. "Hey, Mai." Tea replied as she walked into the room. "Tea!" Mai squealed. She threw her arms around Tea's shoulders in a friendly hug. "We haven't seen each other in ages, girl! Where have you been?" "School?" Tea choked under Mai's tight embrace. The blonde woman laughed. "Well come on, I've got to give you your Christmas gift!" she exclaimed, finally letting go. "Oh, I was going to buy gifts next week." Tea retorted, going red at the thought that she was empty handed. "Aw, don't worry, you can get me it now. I'm bringing you shopping at my favorite mall!" "Now?" Tea asked incredulously. "It's not like you have any homework!" Mai argued. "And even if you do, too bad, my credit card's waiting." "But I couldn't possibly-" Tea started, but Mai wouldn't hear it. A second later Tea had grabbed her coat and was calling to her mother that she'd be back soon.

"You know, Tea, I've never been to your house before. It was really quite quaint." Mai stated once they entered the car. She had one hand gripping the steering wheel, while the other one lay elegantly at her side. "Thanks?" Tea answered a bit unsurely. Then a thought came to Tea. "How did you get my address?" "Asked around." Mai retorted simply. Tea only nodded, fiddling with a loose thread on her scarf. Normally she wouldn't have excepted this response, but her mind was still wondering over Kaiba's words. She had to bite her tongue to stop herself from commenting about of the things he had written.

Mai led Tea into a fancy ballroom shop as soon as they made it too the mall. It looked very expensive, decorated with sparkling snowflakes for the holidays. "I figured you'd need something to wear to that Christmas prom your classmates keep talking about."Mai replied. "How do you know all this?" Tea asked, eyeing Mai curiously. "I told you." Mai answered. "I asked around." Before Tea could question her again, her eyes caught hold of a sleeveless blue gown. She walked over to it and touched the trimming, a glistening white fabric. "Wow..." she muttered softly. "I know, ain't it gorgeous?" Mai replied behind her. Tea nodded absent- mindedly. "Is that the one you want?" her friend asked. "Oh, no!" Tea said right away. "I mean...it's beautiful and all, but it's way to expensive..." "Don't worry about it." Mai answered, waving Tea's worries away. "You don't know what being a good duelist can get you." Mai grinned, pulling out her credit card.

Despite her efforts, Mai still bought Tea the dress. After Tea bought Mai's gift (a new bag; which Tea felt was meager next to Mai's gift, but she didn't have the money to buy something that expensive), Mai brought Tea to a diner for dinner. The brunette was twirling a straw inside her coke before she finally spoke up.

"Mai, can you keep a secret?" she asked. Mai leaned in, interested. "Yeah, sure Tea." "I found Seto Kaiba's journal in school today." Mai drew herself back in astonishment. "You didn't!" she exclaimed. Tea nodded. "Well, what dose he write in it?" Mai asked innocently. "I haven't read it!" Tea fought, though her eyes drifted away from Mai's, and she was blushing slightly. "Did too." Mai finished, taking a sip out of her soda. "I would have, at least. Reading his _most private _thoughts is probably great black mail." Tea's thoughts returned to Kaiba's deceased parents. "Your right." she sighed.

Seto fell asleep that night feeling disgruntle and uneasy. Even after admitting to himself that the book was in school, he couldn't help but spend most of the day searching for it. Even while he was working, he checked every draw he opened. But there was never anything there.

Seto tried to close his eyes, but sleep wouldn't come over him. He lay there in darkness, dreading what would happen if someone actually found it before he did. The entire book was filled with things he'd die before saying out loud. But what made Seto feel really sick was the thought that he would be able to get it back in time before someone read the last entry...

"So long, Mai! Thanks for the gift!" "You too, girl!" Mai called as the brunette walked into the house. A soon as Tea's door was shut, a grin spread across the woman's pretty face. "I love play match-maker." she murmured softly to herself. With one hand on the wheel, she used her right to fiddle with the radio.

It was just perfect. Joey Wheeler had told her about Yugi's little crush on Tea. Not that Mai hadn't already noticed, she was excellent when it came to romance. But still, Joey had told her about the upcoming prom and how Yugi secretly wished to take Tea. He had also told her Tea's address. With information like that, Mai had decided to take the situation into her own hands.

She had already gotten Tea the dress for the date, and the girl didn't suspect a thing! She knew that everything was going to fall exactly into place. There was only one thought that bothered Mai.

Finding Kaiba's journal was probably not the best thing to happen. Kaiba was such a mysterious person, and reading his deepest secrets might make Tea see some sort of different side to the CEO.

Mai shook the thoughts out of her head. She was being paranoid. Tea had said that she hadn't read it, and even though Mai had teased her over the fact, she believed that Tea was too much of a goody-goody to have actually read the CEO's private thoughts.

Besides, Mai couldn't even _imagine _what Kaiba would write in a diary. She was sure that the only tragedy that he had ever experienced about was losing to Yugi, which might even _help _Tea and Yugi's relationship.

Mai breathed in the sweet, cold air. She was sure that everything was going perfect.

Tea sipped her hot cocoa as she sat down on the coach. She had just put her gown away. _Yeah, after staring at it for twenty minutes! _Tea reminded herself, grinning. She couldn't believe that Mai had actually had enough money for it, but the female duelist wouldn't take no for an answer. Tea had to admit that she couldn't deny the rising pleasure she felt she thought of the beautiful satin blue dress that was hanging in her closet.

As she stirred the marshmallows into the steaming liquid, her thoughts fell upon when she was going to where it. She knew Mai had said the Christmas prom, but she hadn't even thought of who she was going with. She had figured that she'd just go with her friends as a group. Tea loved them all very much, but she still didn't think that served as a reason to dress up so much.

Tea sighed, deciding to think about it later. She flicked on the TV, and an old Christmas film came to life on the screen.

_A Christmas Carol. _Tea though as her eyes followed the images flashing before her. She was suddenly struck by remembrance. _Kaiba said his mother used to read this story to him. _Compassion so great welled up inside of Tea that for a moment she didn't know if she could even watch the movie.

But as she stared down at the rug, a thought hit her. It was so random that Tea wondered what had come over her. But still-the question remained.

She had no doubt that Kaiba hadn't even given the prom a single thought, but if he _had, _who would he go with?

Tea sipped her cocoa thoughtfully. She was sure that a certain book would give her all the answers she needed.

Author's Note: So...what did you think? I'm trying hard to keep it interesting. Give me your ideas and opinions. As I said up top, please read and review!


	3. Secret Kept?

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, this story is for my own amusement.

Author's Note: Thank you all for your kind words! Once again, I love you all!!!! Sorry it took so long to update, I was away for Thanksgiving. Oh yeah, and I was reading over my own work and I realized at one point I said Tea was fifteen, and at another I said she was sixteen. I apologize for that, she is really fifteen in this fic. I know I make a lot of errors, I'll try to stop. Please read and review! No flames!

**Chapter three Secret Kept? **

"Wow, Seto, it's Friday, you know what that means, right?" Mokuba asked excitedly.

The boy was already in his school uniform, spooning cornflakes into his mouth. Despite how neat his clothes were, his hair still hung lank and messy around him. He was grinning as he looked up at his big brother, but Seto's mind was preoccupied. Instead of eating, he was stirring his own soggy cereal in constant circles.

For the second time Mokuba felt like something was wrong. He wished that he could ask his brother what, but deep inside of him he seemed to already know the answer. Seto wasn't happy about Christmas coming up because it reminded him of Mother, and she wasn't around anymore.

_Because of you. _A dark voice sneered inside the young Kaiba's head. Mokuba sighed, contemplating over all the hardships the two had suffered. He was trying his best to make the present better, but Seto's head was always in the past, no matter how much he denied it.

And then of coarse, there was the fact that he had ripped his room apart last night looking for something. Something that he wouldn't tell Mokuba about...

"What, Mokuba?" Seto finally asked, breaking the boy's thoughts. Mokuba noticed that he actually looked tired for once, which was strange. Seto normally stayed up way past twelve, and was always full of energy in the morning.

"Christmas." Mokuba replied, trying to sound cheerful. "Christmas is coming up soon. We need to get a tree, don't we?" The young CEO gave a faded smile. "Yeah, I guess we do."

Outside, the brothers thought they heard singing, but the voices only passed by, not even hesitating to stop by their doorstep.

As soon as Tea's eyes were open, her thoughts automatically returned to Kaiba's journal. With sleepy blue eyes, she turned over to it, where it lay innocently on her dresser.

"Why are you so interesting?" she complained, pushing her messy hair out of her eyes. As she stood up, she remembered her original plan. To give the diary back today. She couldn't help but feel a groaning sensation in the pit of her stomach.

Kaiba was so mysterious...and it was almost nice hearing what he thought. When Tea had first learned that it was his, she figured it would be brimming with gloating victories and sneering insults, but it wasn't.

Instead it told about how Kaiba was parentless, and how he used to go out caroling in the street to scrape up a bitter amount of money...

Tea shook the image out of her head. She didn't ever want to picture the multi-millionaire Seto Kaiba like one of those children she had seen only yesterday.

Her fingers itched to open the book once more, her mother's voice broke her train of thought. "Tea, are you up? You only have an half an hour to get ready!"

Shock hit Tea hard. _"Why did I sleep so late?" _She grumbled to herself as she pulled on her uniform. She ran a comb through her short brown hair and scooped up her book bag. Before walking downstairs, she stored the diary inside of her pocket.

"That was the quickest I've ever seen you get dressed." her mother marveled, placing a plate of pancakes before the brunette.

"Well, I normally wake up much earlier." Tea retorted, helping herself to syrup. Her mother nodded."It's already Friday. You should really buy your friends their gifts..." Tea heard her mother's voice trail away as she entered the kitchen.

Tea heard the words, but she didn't fully register them. She was too busy taking out the little black book once more. She flicked through it, trying to find the spot she had left off.

_I should really get a bookmark or something to hold my place..._she thought when she finally found the page.

Her eyes fell upon the words, but before she could read them, she stopped as shame took hold of her. She suddenly realized how awful it was that she was thinking of _Kaiba's personal thoughts _as if they were just part of some novel that she was reading out of interest.

But that was what she really was doing, wasn't she?

_No. _Tea told herself firmly. _Your just a little curious, after all, Kaiba such a mystery! All your doing is...getting to know someone...that's it! Yeah, just without _him _knowing it. _

Tea still didn't feel completely convinced, but it was enough to make her turn back to the book.

_I was just reading over what I wrote yesterday. Sound rather desperate, don't I? Desperate...that's a word he used to call me all the time. _

_Sometimes I wonder what other people would think of me if they read this. Those people who think of me as rich, conceited Seto Kaiba._

_Yeah, I realize the way I act around other people. And you know what, I don't care. None of them will ever understand, so why should I even try? It's useless. Nothing that they can say will ever console me. Would they even try to console me? Something makes me doubt it. _

_Yugi and his friends make act like they care, but I know they only see me as a rival. And that's fine, because that's how I want them to see me. All I want to do it defeat Yugi in a duel, that's it. No friendship, no trust. Trust and friendship only turns into lies. That's what I've learned over the years._

_Besides, I hate the thought of them pitying me. I hate pity in general. So many people passed the orphanage, frowning at me and Mokuba, whispering to their companions about what a shame it was. And the maids and butlers used to look at me with mournful stares after Gozaburo dealt with me for failing. But none of them ever did anything. They pitied, but they took no action. They didn't care enough. Maybe they didn't care at all. Pity's like guilt, a wasted emotion. The only one who ever really did anything was Mokuba. _

_He's the only one who understands, who knows who I really am. He's the only good thing I've got at the end of the day._

_What I have at the end of the day...Garden screeched that to me a while ago. I pretended that it meant nothing, but it really made me think. The words rang inside my mind, haunting me for days. I bet she'll never know that. _

_Tea Gardner. A cheerleader to her little group, giving her speeches on how wonderful friendship is, and how beautiful life can be. _

_Life. Beautiful. Hah. _

_I have to admit, however, even if her annoyance outshines it, that she is quite beautiful herself._

Tea spit up her juice. Coughing hysterically, she stared at the words before her. "Tea, are you okay?" she heard her mother asked worriedly. "Yeah, mom!" she gasped.

Once she had regained control of herself, Tea's eyes shot back to the words. She thought that she had never been more surprised in her whole life. She had excepted him to call her annoying, but _beautiful? _What was the world coming to?

Tea angled her eyes as she reread the line. Was that an insult or a compliment? _"...she really is quite beautiful." _Color instantly rushed up her face. No one had seriously called her beautiful before. Sure, Yugi had said it, but to be sweet, nothing more...

Coming from Kaiba, she felt almost flattered. Flattered so much, she barely took noticed to everything else he had wrote.

With a shout from her mother, she realized that she was going to be late for school. Her head swimming, she crammed the journal back into her pocket, and swung the bag over her shoulder.

Seto was out the doors before the limo had even parked. As everyday, the chauffeur bid him a good day and drove off. Seto barely noticed. His icy eyes were focused on the school building before him.

At home, he had felt comfortable enough to show how distressed he was, but not here. Instead he made himself look even more irritated then usual. Inside his head, thoughts were spinning wildly.

_Maybe I left it inside my home room...or the cafeteria...or one of the classrooms... Damn! It could be anywhere! _Seto clutched his suitcase even tighter then normal as all the possibilities ran through his mind. He had to keep himself under control. He couldn't let anyone see how nervous he really was.

"Ow! Hey, Kaiba, dat hurt! Ain't ya gonna apologize?" Seto turned around to see Wheeler's enraged face. "Ya rammed right in ta me!" Seto smirked at the blonde duelist's fury. Maybe he could take some of his anxiousness away by angering Wheeler.

"Why should I apologize to a dog?" he sneered. Joey's face turned so red with wrath, Seto wouldn't have been surprised if smoke spouted out of his ears. "Don't ya dare call me that, money bags!" Seto merely smirked, angling his stony eyes at the steaming boy. "And what will you do, bark at me?" he asked cooly, turning away.

"You just wait, Kaiba, I'll get back at you soon enough!"

Seto forced himself to keep moving, though he felt like his heart had suddenly stopped beating. He kept his eyes forward, pretending that Wheeler's comment had meant nothing. But that same horrible image of Wheeler with his journal had appeared before him, like somebody was pressing the picture flat against his face. Feeling very sick, he headed to the closet place his journal could be-the cafeteria.

"Can you believe that creep?" Joey fumed, rounding on his friends. Tristan nodded fervently while Yugi frowned politely. "I'm gonna go give him a piece a my mind!" Tea, who had been staring glassy-eyed at where Kaiba had walked off, suddenly snapped out of her trance. "No, Joey don't do that!" She pleaded as he stormed off.

"And what are ya gonna do about it?" he raged, while the rest of the group followed, hot on his heels. "Joey, man, don't this _again." _Tristan groaned, trying vainly to grab hold of Joey's arm and stop him from moving. "You know what happens every time you get into a fight with Kaiba." "Whatta ya mean by dat?" Joey snarled. "I'm gonna give Kaiba everythin' he deserves..." "Joey, it won't fix anything!" Yugi fought. Joey refused to listen.

All there attempts were useless. Joey dragged them all the way down to the cafeteria, where he was sure he had seen Kaiba enter.

The cafeteria however, like every morning, was swarming with people. It was a custom of Domino High to serve breakfast as well as lunch, so the many groups of people seemed normal to Tea, to matter how much they upset her friend. The girl's blue eyes scanned the crowed room, trying to pick out the young CEO.

Sure enough, she found the lone, tall figure all the way in the back of the room. Her stomach gave a funny jolt when she saw where he was. The same spot they had bumped into each other yesterday. He was searching frantically for something.

Tea bit her lip, her insides squirming. "Lemme at 'im!" Joey roared, who had obviously seen him as well. Both Tristan and Yugi were holding him back. Tea glanced worriedly at her friends, fingering the diary in her pocket. She knew Kaiba was looking for it. It wasn't fair to keep him guessing like this. He was going to go out of his mind searching for it, not to mention obsessing over the theory that somebody may have found and read it. After all, Kaiba _had _wrote things in it that he had never, as far as Tea knew, told a living soul.

"Tea, knock some sense into him!" Tristan grunted, still gripping Joey's arms. Tea only gave him a nervous stare before walking over to where Kaiba stood, leaving all her friends, including Joey, gaping at her.

"K-Kaiba?" Tea mumbled in a meek voice. He turned over to her, irritation etched over every inch of his handsome face. "Yes?" he asked curtly. Tea gulped, she knew he was going to be angry. _Not angry,_ Tea reminded herself, _ballistic... _

"Are you...are you looking for something?" she inquired lamely. "Yes." he repeated, sounding even more agitated then before. He turned back to the table. "Umm...Kaiba, I...I think..."

Once more, Kaiba turned his blazing eyes back onto her. Tea realized they looked puzzled now. _He suspects me. _Tea informed herself as a wave of anxiousness broke over her. "What is it?" Kaiba asked impatiently.

Tea's heart was ramming against her chest. Her fingers were wrapped so tightly around the journal that she could feel her knuckles going white. Even so, she didn't seem to have the strenght to pull it out of her pocket. Her mouth went so dry she could hardly form sentences.

Taking a shuddering breath, she muttered. "nothing...", and turned to walk away. In her head she cursed her own cowardice.

"Gardner, wait."

Tea looked back at Kaiba. He didn't look angry anymore, only confused. He was simply staring at her, as if trying to analyzing her very soul. He suddenly paled and looked away. "Forget it."

Serenity Wheeler was home, sick and in bed. Her throat ached constantly as she was seized by yet another faze of coughing. She grabbed a tissue and blew her stuffed nose, which had been rubbed raw from the many times she had blown it. "Sick on Christmas...great." she muttered thickly, lying back down.

The only light she could see was how well her brother was taking care of her. While at home he seemed to have devoted his entire life to making sure she was comfortable. So what if the toast be made had been a little (well, maybe more then a _little_) burnt? It was still a sweet thing for him to do. She smiled, not able to imagine having a better brother.

Even so, it was still a glum thought that their first Christmas together after many long years was going to be spent with her taking cough medicine and fluids.

Serenity had decided to move in with her brother and father. Not exactly a _permanent _move, but after Battle City she had realized that she couldn't live without the other half of her family. Instead of just living with one parent, she took turns, living a few months with each. Sure, it was confusing moving so much, but it was worth it if she got to see her brother more often.

There came a knock on the door, and she heard her father's footsteps trod over to it. Minutes later, she heard the familiar sound of the door scraping against the floor as it opened, and someone coming in. "Hi, Mr. Wheeler. I just came to wish Joey's little sister better health...mind if I go see her?" Serenity remembered the voice clearly. It was Mai, one of Joey's friends from Battle City! Her spirits rose a bit at the thought of seeing a familiar face.

"Sure, came her father's gruff voice, just go up the stairs...." The sound of Mai's heels tapping against the floor filled Serenity's ears, and moments later, the blonde emerged from the doorway.

"Hey girl, how are you feeling?" she asked kindly, retreating into an empty chair. "Alright." the auburn sighed. "Thanks for coming to visit." The woman grinned. "Hey, I'm already out of school, remember? Dueling gotten me loads of cash, so I'm not exactly _begging _for a job. I figured the least I could do was check on Joey's sick baby sister." Serenity grinned, not at all minding being called "Joey's baby sister". She liked being associated with him. She was so proud to be his sister.

"So, how's things going between Tea and Yugi?" Serenity asked, who had heard all about the plot from Joey. "Great!" Mai chimed. "I already got her the dress- you should see it, it's to die for! Now I have to convince Tea to go with Yugi-it shouldn't be that hard."

Serenity nodded, her arms folded behind her back. "Although I bet it _would _be a lot easier if Tea hadn't gone and found Kaiba's diary." She heard Mai's voice mumble. "_What?" _Serenity blurted out, shooting upright. A minute later she wished she hadn't, it made her head throb painfully.

But that wasn't the only reason her head was spinning. Although she had hardly conversed with Kaiba, (A/N: Is that true? I think I heard it somewhere...) she knew from both her brother, and his attitude in public, that he was an arrogant, emotionless creep. The thought of him having a diary just seemed unreal.

"Oh my gosh!!!!, Mai cried frantically, I shouldn't have said that! Just pretend you didn't hear it, kay?" Her beautifully manicured hands were gripping her face.

"Don't worry Mai, I won't tell a soul." Serenity assured her."But what are you talking about...Kaiba's diary?"

Author's Note: And so...end of chapter three. Kind of a cliff hanger, but not really. Poor Tea...you know what this is going to lead too. I hope that you all liked it, it's because of your comments that I try to update so quickly. Your all so nice! Please give me your opinions and ideas...but no flames! Thanks!


	4. Chaotic thoughts and discoveries

Author's Note: Hi! I'm sorry that this took so long...you won't believe the writers block I was going through. I think I broke it, though. Thank you once again for the wonderful comments, your all so nice! Things really start to heat up in this chapter...I hope you like it! Read and review, but no flames, thanks!

**Chapter Four Chaotic thoughts and discoveries **

Tea's legs felt like jello, weak and liable to collapse. Slowly, she forced herself to take a few light steps backward, before making a sharp turn and walking away. She plunged into the thick crowd of chattering students, occasionally bumping into someone and muttering apologies absentmindedly, her heart still pumping madly.

She had no idea what had come over her. And it wasn't just about freezing before she could giveKaiba the journal-but another emotion too. It was strange, as Kaiba had stood there, contemplating over what he was going to say to her, (which she still had no idea what) Tea was suddenly greeted by a rushing image of him as a child, orphaned and alone. Not only that, but she had also had a very abrupt desire to throw her arms around him and comfort him..

Tea felt her cheeks go bright red, and she shook the thought out of her mind. That was absurd. Still, she wished she could have returned the diary to him. She felt it's leathery cover beneath her fingers, and guilt surged through her insides. _You know your really quite pleased though. _She heard a voice inside her mind sneer. _Really quite pleased that you can continue reading all his personal affairs... _

"Tea, are you alright?"

Yugi's worried voice floated into the brunette's mind, breaking the nasty thought. Startled, Tea turned over to her friends, only realizing now that she had reached them.

"Yeah, I'm fine." she answered all to quickly.

"Well, if your sure..." Yugi didn't look very convinced, and his voice was slightly questioning.

Tea nodded fervently. Her grip, however, tightened over the book. She wondered if she should tell them about the diary. Yugi would surly know the right thing to do, after all, he always did.

But then again...Tea turned over to Joey. He seemed to have cooled of since before, but he kept shooting Kaiba dirty looks over his shoulder.

How would Joey react to finding Kaiba's diary? He certainly hated the CEO...wouldn't he want revenge?

A strange feeling twisted inside of Tea. If she didn't know better, Tea might havethought that she felt almost...protective over Kaiba. She chewed on her lip, what was going on with her? But she had no time of what, because in no time at all, Joey hadturned over to her, demanding an answer for her odd actions.

"Serenity, I'm home!"

Joey let himself into the house. He closed the door quickly, grateful for the heat inside. For a moment, all was silent, but seconds later he was greeted by the sound of coughing.

"Hey, Joey!" he heard his little sister shout, trying fruitlessly to stifle her coughs.

Joey threw his bag on couch, and headed upstairs,to his sister's room.

But for once,Serenity wasn't the only thing on his mind. His thoughts were constantly replaying the same scene. Joey, struggled to teach that creep Kaiba a lesson, while Tea's worried face glanced over to them before she finally walked to where Kaiba stood.

Joey scowled. Why had she done that? It had made no sense-sure, Tea had spouted out some nonsense about asking him if he had seen something she'd lost, but Tea was a horrible liar. All it took was the look on her face, and her diverted eyes to know she was fibbing.

Besides, it looked like _Kaiba_ had been the one that had lost something... Joey's frown deepened. He hated not knowing what was going on.

But as he entered his little sister's room, he shook the thoughts out of his head.

"How ya feelin?" he asked protectively. The auburn certainly didn't _look _any better. Her cinnamon hair was tangled around her in a messy array, her nose still red, her eyes still droopy and tired. Still, he noticed one improvement, she was smiling.

"Much better, brother. Mai came over to visit me today while you were gone!"

"She-she what?" Joey inquired, going slightly red in the face.

He knew Mai was much older then him, but he couldn't help but remember how insanely beautiful she was.

Serenity smirked, even though Joey was trying hard to sound casual. "Yeah...it was nice to have some visitors for a change." Serenity's sweet smile suddenly vanished. "I don't have any friends in my own grade to come visit me." She fell silent, looking bitterly at the blank television that her father had brought for her as entertainment.

"That's just cause ya new." Joey assured her, pity running through him. "And cause ya so shy, once ya open up, everyone'll love ya."

Serenity broke her gaze and smiled. "Really?" she asked, now glowing. "Thanks, Joey!"

Joey grinned, glad to make his sister happy. He was, after all, always trying to look after her.

In higher spirits, Serenity went on to discuss how she hoped she wouldfeel better soon, so to do her Christmas shopping, and what Mai had to say on her visit.

"And then Mai goes off saying how it's going to be so easy to get Tea to go to the dance with Yugi, even with Tea finding Kaiba's journal-"

"What did ya say?"

Serenity let out a small gasp. Joey stared at her curiously, as the girl's brown eyes widened in horror. He must have heard her wrong...

But Serenity bit her lip, staring at her brother through anxious eyes.

"Oh, Joey, please, you won't tell, right?"

"Ya mean it's true?!" Joey exclaimed. "Kaiba's really got a diary?!" He broke off, hysterical at the prospect of his worst enemy writing down his secrets in a little book. He was on the verge of falling off his chair, but Serenity gave him a nervous stare.

Blinking tears of joy out of his eyes, Joey turned back to his sister. Realization finally hit him. "Wait a minute...you said Tea found it? When? She never told me!"

Suddenly something clicked inside his mind. Kaiba had been looking for something back at the cafeteria, and Tea had went over to him. She had obviously given him back the journal. Joey ran a hand through his blonde hair. But _why _had she lied to him? She did, after all, trust him. Didn't she?

"Oh please, Joey!" pleaded Serenity's voice, breaking Joey's train of thought. "I'm sure that it won't matter to Mai that I told you as long as you keep it a secret!"

"So Tea told Mai, but not me, huh?" Joey grumbled, more to himself then anyone else.

"Joey, it's a secret!" Serenity exclaimed, slightly hysterical now. "Don't tell anyone!"

Joey turned back to his sister, guilty that he had her so worried.

"Don't worry, sis, I'm not gonna tell anyone who doesn't already know."

Serenity stared at him skeptically. "What do you mean?"

A mischievous smile tugged the corners of Joey's mouth.

"Just gonna give Tea a call..."

Tea ran into the bustling Christmas shop, shivering as she pulled her pink jacket closer around slim frame. It was freezing outside. Snowing more then ever, the glistening flakes had settled in the trees, houses, and everywhere else they could get too.

For once, Tea had forgotten her guilt and troubles, as she browsed through the store, wondering vaguely what her friends would like for Christmas. She ran her fingers along a row of items, staring thoughtfully at a Duel Monsters book Yugi might be interested in.

Behind her, she heard something fall and shatter. "Damn..." a familiar voice muttered.

Tea suddenly felt like a bucket of ice cold water had come splashing down on her. It was Seto Kaiba.

Her hand automatically went to her pocket, where she still held the diary. She thought uncomfortably about how she should probably give it back to him-but remembering the how choked up she was before, she couldn't bring herself to try again.

Edging over to the shelf behind her, she moved a few items, allowing herself to see Kaiba through the other side. He looked irritated, as always, glancing at one thing to the next, but evidently not able to find what he wanted.

"No." he scoffed, shoving a box back onto the shelf. _"This shop had nothing..." _

Tea smiled softly. He must be looking for a present for Mokuba.

She wondered why before she never noticed how much Kaiba cared about Mokuba, even if he still acted like the same old Kaiba to everybody else. She leaned her shoulder against the shelf as Kaiba bent down to pick up whatever he had broken. She pondered over she had always taken him asjust some arrogant creep with no real feelings...

There came a soft tinkle of music from her bag. Her cell phone was ringing. Tea reached in to retrieve it, fumbling with her frozen fingers, and finally opened it.

"Hello, Tea here." she spoke into the phone.

"Tea! It's me, Joey." Tea nodded, though she knew he couldn't see her.

"Why are you calling?" she asked curiously. Joey hardly ever called her unless he had told her in advance that he would be doing so.

"Nuttin." Joey replied in a would-be-causal voice.

Tea angled her eyes. "Seriously, Joey, she asked, smirking slightly, what's this about?"

"I heard ya found someone's diary at school the other day. Why didn't ya tell me?"

Tea felt likea dozen ice cubes had just slipped down her throat. She was pressing the phone so hard against her ear that it was almost painful.

"How did you find out?" she whispered hastily into it. She could still hear Kaiba walking up and down aisles that were so veryclose to the one she was in.

"Serenity told me, I'll keep it a secret. But ya still didn't answer my question. How come ya didn't tell the rest of us?"

"How does Serenity know?!" Tea cried out frantically, completely ignoring Joey's question.

"Mai told her."

"_What?!" _Tea screamed out so loud that even the cashier stopped what he was doing to stare. Hands trembling, she couldn't even find her voice.

"Calm down Tea." Joey's voice said on the other end of the line. "I told ya, we're not gonna tell Kaiba anythin'. But how come ya didn't lemme see it? I'd love to know what money bags think's about!"

Tea barely heard Joey's words. She felt sick with anxiousness. Mai had obviously told Serenity, who couldn't keep a secret from her brother. How could Mai do that? Then again, why did Tea had to open her big mouth and tell Mai, who loved to pass on gossip?

Joey was saying something, but Tea wasn't listening.

"Listen, Joey, I'll call you back later."

Without waiting for a reply, she snapped the phone shut. Abandoning her Christmas shopping, she stormed out the door, into the snowy wonderland outside.

Normally this type of weather would make her heart fly. Nighttime was falling over the small town, which looked much like a Christmas card at the moment. Shining snowflakes clung to houses rooftops, and colorful Christmas lights winked all around her. Wreathes and mistletoe hung from people's windows. There was a strong feeling of Christmas and cheer in the air. But right now, Tea's emotions were fit to burst.

"This is all my fault..." she mumbled desperately. "Kaiba's definitely going to find out with all these rumors...and now that Joey knows..."

Tea had never felt like she wanted to keep a secret from her friends before. But as she stood there, with white flurries of snow whirling around her, she wished that she could have kept Kaiba's diary a secret from everyone.

It wasn't like she didn't trust them or anything, it was just that she knew how they felt about Kaiba, and she didn't feel like starting trouble. She chewed on her lip. Come to think of it, she probably wouldn't have told Mai either, but she had been so surprised at the mere fact of _finding _his diary, thatshe had felt as if she had to tell_ somebody_...

Tea sighed. _"I never meant to start anything..." _she murmured.

She took the book out of her pocket. Icy snowflakes flicked against it's leather-bound cover.

This morning she hadn't been able to give it back, but she knew that if she scrape up the courage now, it was only going to stir up problems.

She walked back over to the shop, sheltering herself from the snow under the awning. The street lamps cast a yellowish glow right before her. Everything would have seemed so peaceful if she wasn't holding this little book in her hands....

She opened it hesitantly. With a shock of surprise, she realized that there was only one entry left.

Then again, Seto had been writing about Christmas in the first entry, which meant that he must have only gotten the book recently.

Tea glanced hastily at the door. Kaiba was still inside. She had read every other chapter...how much more damage could she cause reading the last of it? If she could skim a few lines before Kaiba came out...

Before she could help herself, her eyes snapped down to the words before her.

_It's 3:00 in the morning, and I can't get back to sleep. This is ridiculous. These nightmares are driving me crazy-I don't think I can handle them anymore. _

_I know he's dead. Hell, I've been trying to convince myself that for years, but even so...It still feels like he's here. Breathing down my neck while I try so hard to answer all those questions he threw out at me._

_I thought I was doing the right thing when challenged Gozaburo to that match. Thought that I was keeping the promise that I had made to my mother-the promise to always take care of Mokuba. _

_Gozaburo's son Noa had died. He was looking for a new heirfor his business. I needed to get us out of this orphanage, and I figured that being adopted by Gozaburo guaranteed us the perfect life, living in a mansion owned by a multi-millionaire. _

_But Gozaburo didn't seem too keen on adopting both me and Mokuba. That's why I challenged him to a game of chess. If I won he had to adopt us both. Gozaburo was the International Chess champion, he didn't pose me as much of a threat. Still,my challengeamused him, and so he accepted._

_But something happened that Gozaburo didn't expect. I won the match. He kept his end of the bargain, and both me and Mokuba were ecstatic. We thought we were finally going to be happy, that we were finally going home. But we weren't. _

_I was Gozaburo's oldest heir now. And even though he had adopted me, he didn't seem to think I was nearlygood enough to run the business. He kept be working from day to night, hour after hour. I woke up at the crack of dawn, and didn't go to sleep until way past midnight. I was always exhausted. _

_But that wasn't the worst of it. It was what Gozaburo would do when I he felt I wasn't working up to his standards. He would beat me. And the problem was, I never lived up to his standards. It began to take over my mind. I was always in trouble, always experiencing more and more pain everyday. I barely slept, I barely ate, the only thing I did was study, so not to get punished again, but it happened anyway. _

_Fortunately, Gozaburo seemed to leave Mokuba alone, unless he got in the way of my training. I tried to keep Mokuba out of it, but he never seemed to listen. Only when I told Mokuba that the best way he could help me was by making sure he was alright, did he stop. And even then he never hesitated to get involved._

_I remembered my first night there so clearly. I crawled into bed, battered and bruised, sobbing to my dead mother how sorry I was for breaking my promise. Mokuba wasn't safe here. _

_Sometimes I wonder-_

But Tea never found out what Kaiba wondered. At that exact moment, she felt the book being ripped violently out of her hands. Tea's eyes automatically averted to the one responsible. She froze, her heart stopping mid-stream.

Before her stood Seto Kaiba, looking livid. He was literally trembling, his knuckles white ashis hands clenched tightly onto his diary. His icy eyes were fixed upon her, and seemed to hold utmost loathing.

In a shaken voice, he spoke.

"_Just what...do you think your doing?"_

Author's Note: Yeah, I know, another cliff-hanger. I'm sorry about that for those who hate them. I got a review from Alex telling me not too...sorry, it's just that this is going to be a big scene, and I need a while to think of how exactly I want to put it. But until then, I wanted to put this up. No flames, please read and review!


	5. Raging Feelings, empty thoughts

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, and this story is just for my own amusement.

Author's Note: Hey! Thank you so much for all your comments! It made me feel so happy that you cared so much about what was going to happen. I hope this reaches your expectations. I'm sorry it took so long. (School...homework...tests...ugh! lol) Anyways, this was a hard chapter to write for some reason, and I feel exceptionally nervous about your reactions. I hope you like it, please enjoy! Please read and review!!!!! NO FLAMES!!!

**Chapter five Raging feelings, empty thoughts**

Tea stood frozen. Her insides were twisting painfully inside of her, her heart hammering loudly in her ears. Her eyes were wide and confused, unable to register what was going on before them.

Her mind was completely blank.

She was incapable of retaining a single thought, even the tiniest fragment of sense or logic seemed out of reach. She merely stood there before him, gaping openly.

Seto Kaiba was literally shaking, eyes narrowed in insuppressible rage, demanding for every ounce of information she held about the book, and what she had been doing with it.

But...what _had _she doing with it? In fact, what was she doing at all? Everything seemed so surreal, blank, white. It was impossible for her to believe she was here, in Domino City, standing before a snow-capped Christmas shop, listening to the infuriated CEO.

"_I'm going to ask you again." _Kaiba growled through gritted teeth. _"WHAT are you doing?!" _He looked like he was holding back, fighting down his uncontrollable temper that was willing to break at any given second. His face had been drained of all color, reduced to a pale, dead white, like some sort of ghost. His icy blue eyes were slits, blaring down at her in fury.

He was looking right at her, staring with those deep, blue eyes, and she felt lost in them. They seemed to stretch on for miles...like the dark night sky...There was no end, you just kept going on for eternity...And then Tea's mind snapped back into reality, violently and abruptly, jolting her back down to earth.

_Kaiba found the diary. _

Her heart stopped beating all together. Panic erupted in the pit of her stomach, coursing through every vein, making her insides squirm worse then ever. She had to say something, _something... _anything to justify herself.

"K-Kaiba..." she muttered weakly. "I...I didn't mean to...I swear I didn't..."

But this went far from justifying her actions. Kaiba's temper, so close to the edge, finally snapped completely.

"DIDN'T MEAN TO _WHAT? _GO OFF AND READ MY MOST PRIVATE THOUGHTS! I _SAW _YOU, GARDNER, HOW STUPID TO YOU THINK I AM-"

"Kaiba!" Tea sobbed hysterically, unable to take his shouting. "I'm sorry...I really, really am! But I was _curious_, and the things you wrote-I never would have guessed-" Tears were pouring down the girl's face like tiny waterfalls.

But Kaiba was way too angry to even think of pitying her.

"Oh, so you found _PLEASURE _reading my thoughts, is that is Garden? Like they were some sort of NOVEL?"

By now people inside the shop were poking their heads nosily out the front door, staring mildly interested at the abulic quarrel. Tea ignored them all, for once not caring, as violent sobs shook her whole body.

"Kaiba, you can't _blame _me!" she finally blurted out.

Although she felt extremely sick, her own temper was beginning to rise to the surface. Maybe if Kaiba wasn't so distant from everyone around him, maybe if he actually _tried _to be social, she wouldn't have become so absorbed in the stupid entries.

"Your so cold and aloof! Maybe if you just opened up a little bit I wouldn't have had to- "

"OH, SO YOU _HAD TO-_" Kaiba began to bellow, but Tea finished for him.

"YES!" she screamed. "I _HAD _to read the book! How couldn't I? To finally get a chance to find out what you think, the answers to why you always act like such a creep!"

Tea wanted to stop, wanted to turn and run away from the entire scene, but her rage wouldn't allow it. Although her mind was screaming in resistance, her mouth kept forming more words.

"You stride around school with your head held up high like your so much better, so much higher then everyone else! But just because _now _you have more money then any other person I know doesn't mean that deep down your not really just a-just a-"

Tea clamped her mouth shut, anger throbbing through her, a painful lump forming in her throat. Her eyes blazed down to the snow sprinkled ground, trying hard to restrain herself.

"Just a _what?" _Kaiba asked quietly. He hadn't taken his eyes off her. Every single inch of his face seemed to be contorted with purest loathing, and yet behind it all Tea almost thought she heard a slight note of worry.

Slowly, the brunette averted her eyes towards Kaiba's face, her voice shaking, her hands clutched in fists. And without a single thought she uttered-

"Just a poor little orphan."

Seto didn't know what came over him first. The most absolute, gut-wrenching horror or white hot, uncontrollable fury. His mind stopped working logically, emotion flooding through him, overpowering him, as Gardener stared grimly through her wide blue eyes.

He wanted to smack her. He wanted her to feel just as much pain as he was right now, to feel as empty and hollow, to have lonesomeness gnaw at her insides, just like him. He wanted to smack her-but he didn't.

In fact, he seemed incapable of even moving. Gardner was glaring at him through eyes that were once bright and cheery, but were now dull and dark. Slowly, the emotions within him began to form into hatred, and he realized something. _Kind, compassionate Tea Gardner was scoffing at him for being an orphan. _Words couldn't describe how he felt.

"Bet you loved reading that didn't you?" he barely whispered. "Bet it gave you a real laugh."

Gardner's mouth dropped slightly, and it looked as though she were about to say something, but Seto couldn't take it. He turned on his heel, hand clenched firmly over his journal, and strode away.

Tea watched as his tall figure shrank into the distance, and suddenly felt totally and entirely wretched. She stood gaping, legs shaking, at where Kaiba had walked off. For the first time in her life, she was mortified at the outcome of an argument she had had with the CEO not because of him, but because of her.

How could she say something like that to him? What could possibly have possessed her? But it had been hopeless, as soon as that anger took root-

Tea felt salty tears cloud her vision and roll down her face. _Stupid girl. _Chided a cruel voice in her ear. _It's not like crying will change anything. _

She looked up from the ground, taking short, gasping breaths. It was just then she became aware of the amount of wide eyes staring at her through the shop window.

"Well, what are you looking at?!" she cried hysterically, rounding over to them. "Go about your business and leave me _alone!" _

She stalked away, a strange pressure rising up from her chest into her throat, practically choking her.

_You called Kaiba an orphan. _She scolded herself. _And in public! Great way to show how caring you are, Tea! _

She kicked the ground roughly, and shimmering flakes of snow exploded around her ankles in a swirl of icy mist. Tea grit her teeth in frustration and emotional anguish. Things weren't suppose to be like this right now. There wasn't suppose to be any blinking lights and shining snow! She couldn't take the smell of Christmas trees, or the gleaming wreathes on every door. At this very moment, she couldn't take Christmas itself...

"It wasn't my fault!" she called out blindly to no one. "It WASN'T my fault!"

"What wasn't your fault?"

Tea jerked her head over to the voice. It was soft and kind, the complete opposite of the burning hot feelings that filled her to the rim.

There stood Yugi Moto. He looked concerned, worry etched across his face. White flakes were fluttering around him and settling in his abnormal, tri-colored hair.

Tea just stared at him, tears still spilling down her cheeks. Slowly, a broken smile slid across her face.

"Did you really here that?"

Seto through the doors of his mansion open, temper flaring, hands shaking, fire coursing through his veins.

"Mr. Kaiba!" sputtered Mr. Yuroshi. He was small, timid man, his fear for Kaiba almost shameful, as he was much older. "The orders just came in for the new duel disk set, but they've malfunctioned-"

"Like a give a damn!" Seto snarled violently, stalking towards the stairway.

Mr. Yuroshi chewed on his fingernails, and gave a few pathetic attempts to impose the issue further, but was futile, and he gave up in defeat.

Seto stomped heatedly into his bathroom, slamming the door shut. Far away, he thought he heard another door open. Probably Mokuba, poking his head out of his room, wondering about the noise.

Seto's breath was harsh and rapid. The diary dropped from his sweaty hands as he clung to the sides of sink, trying to master his own emotions.

He couldn't believe that had happened...he couldn't believe he had _let _that happen... Brainless Garden...calling him a orphan... And to think that at one point, only a few hours ago, he had almost thought that she might be able to-

Seto broke off and averted his eyes towards the mirror. His own face reflected back at him. He saw rich, brilliant Seto Kaiba, who had everything.

He saw a lie gazing back at him.

He stared into his own empty blue eyes.They were like dark tunnels that led nowhere. Nowhere except misery and darkness. Constant darkness that never left. He was pale. Pale and weak.

To think he had thought she might understand.

Seto's hands suddenly grabbed the mirror on impulse and rammed it hard into the ground. It shattered all around him, glimmering pieces flying across the floor.

And it was smashed-_broken_-just like he was.

"You know Yugi, you didn't have to invite me in." Tea replied meekly, shivering as she wrapped the towel Mr. Moto have given her tighter around her shoulders.

"You were freezing out there, Tea!" Yugi remarked, smiling warmly at her. "Would you mind...telling me what you were doing?"

The same faded, worried smile passed Tea's face. "It's nothing..." she muttered distractedly.

"Yes it is." Yugi replied firmly. "It's alright, you can tell me, I'm your friend."

Tea fiddled with her fingertips. It was nice to have someone so caring, but Tea wasn't sure if she deserved it.

_No one cares about Kaiba, _whispered a dark voice in her mind. _No one except Mokuba... _

She was swept with another rushing desire to burst into tears, but ignored it defiantly.

"Tea?"

The brunette looked up into Yugi's violet orbs. "It's nothing..." Tea began, but she was suddenly overcome with a powerful urge of recklessness. "It's just that today, I was shopping when I ran into Kaiba-"

She buckled her knees against her chest, and began spilling her heart out, from when she first found the journal to this very moment.

The only part she left out was earlier today, when that strange emotion that had come over her in the cafeteria, and she had suddenly felt like embracing him. She couldn't help notice that the feeling was growing slightly stronger.

She didn't understand. Was it pity? She had never been more furious at someone in her whole life, but there was something about him, something about knowing his deepest secrets, his deepest fears...

Tea's eyes drifted over to the Moto's lit Christmas tree. It's pure white lights glowed merrily, reflecting the rich reds and purples of the glass decorations. It was so beautiful, so warm, so full of life. So why was it that she felt so empty?

"What should I do, Yugi?" she pleaded hopelessly. "What should I do?"

She didn't turn over to him, but rather kept her eyes on the tree, trying fruitlessly to catch some sort of glimmer of hope through the thick darkness.

She could hear Yugi shifting nervously in his seat.

"Well...Tea...you could...apologize."

"_What?" _Tea turned her head so fast she gave herself a painful crick in her neck.

"Yugi, it's _his _fault!" she fought defiantly. "He shouldn't leave his things lying around! Besides, maybe if he was a little more _social_-"

"I know." Yugi murmured. "And your right about that...but Kaiba does have a right to be angry. After all, it _was _his diary."

Tea sighed in defeat. "Your...right." she muttered. "It's just, I don't really know if I can confront him again. You should have seen him, Yugi..."

But Yugi gave her an encouraging smile.

"I'm sure you'll do the right thing."

The warm lights from the Christmas tree reflected in his enormous violet eyes. Yugi's hand stretched tentatively over Tea's.

The brunette blinked. She was extremely confused.

"Seto...Seto, are you okay?! I heard something break!" Mokuba was ramming hard against the bathroom door. His heart was racing frantically, but the door stood ajar.

"Seto!" he wailed. "What's going on?"

He finally heard movement, someone's feet crunching what was probably numerous pieces of glass, and the door swung open.

There stood Seto. He looked weak and shaking, and yet livid and intimidating all at the same time. Mokuba stared up at him worriedly. His grayish violet eyes suddenly shot behind his brother, to the broken mirror that littered the tiled floor.

"Big brother...," he moaned, "what's going on...?"

"It's nothing." Seto muttered, looking over his shoulder at the mess behind him. "I was just...what happen was..."

Mokuba crossed his arms over his chest. "Seto, I'm your brother! You can tell me!"

"Mokuba, it's fine..." Seto replied unsurely. "I just got-er- angry..."

"About what?" the young Kaiba questioned skeptically.

Seto covered his face with a quivering hand.

"Mokuba...it's so close Christmas, I just want you to be happy, that's all I want..." He sounded almost desperate. Mokuba frowned as pity surged through him.

"Big brother, I am."

It was a huge tree. _Enormous._ And every year, it lit up. It happened on the same day, at the same hour, with the same people, the same bitter weather...same everything. That was how he always remembered it. Even when he was a little boy, clutching his mother's hand, unable to understand why so many people were cramped around a single tree, waiting anxiously for something.

And that it had happened. The bright colors had erupted all over, and the cheers had rung loudly in his ears. And even though the icy wind had lashed across his face for the past ten minutes, and even though his very fingers were numb from the cold, he had suddenly felt warm and safe. And most of all, loved.

And that, that was the feeling of Christmas. A feeling that had died away years ago, an emotion that would never come back, leaving him empty.

He stood before that tree now. It was unlit and blank, but waiting silently for tonight, when it's moment of glory would finally come once more. A wind rustled through it's branches.

Mokuba wanted to come see it tonight. Seto cast his eyes down to the snowy, yet barren ground. So many emotions were welling up within him.

Seto didn't like emotions. He would so rather do away without them, but they came anyway, haunting him...choking him...and leaving him with nothing.

Going to the tree lighting would make Mokuba happy, but it also meant he would have to face up to his childhood memories, something he tried very hard to avoid.

"Kaiba?"

Seto turned around. Before him stood Gardner, her chocolate colored hair whipping in the wind, alongside her woolen scarf. She seemed very on edge about something.

Seto looked away from her, fury mounting on him like a plague. He didn't want to be anywhere near her.

Gardner, however, must have thought different. Instead of leaving, she took a step closer.

"Pretty, isn't it?" she asked softly, gazing up at the rich green tree.

"Why are you here?" Seto muttered in a low voice, his eyes glued to the gigantic tree before him instead of the girl next to him.

He heard the snow and dead grass crumple as she shifted her feet uncomfortably.

"That book said a lot of things about you. A lot of things I didn't know were possible."

Seto felt like his throat was stuck. He simply remained where he was, his eyes blaring through the tree's vast branches.

"I never would have...would have guessed." he heard her continue. "The way you act...I always thought you were just an arrogant creep."

For a long time, Seto didn't comment. Her words sunk into him, biting at his soul, like the last time she had spoken.

"I used to write in that damn book every night." he said abruptly. He wasn't sure what he was doing, but continued anyway, not even waiting for an reply. "Every night. I wrote every single aspect of my life, poured out my whole damn heart, like it was some sort of person...someone meant to...._console _me or something."

His mouth formed a sarcastic smile. "As you can see, _that _worked."

"Kaiba, I'm sorry." Gardner blurted out, she was speaking very quickly. "I know it was wrong, and I won't ever do it again, I promise! I was just...just curious. And the things you wrote-the things you said about your family, your _parents_-they were beautiful-"

"Just go." Seto whispered. His eyes were oddly bright, staring blanking at the huge pine tree before him.

But Gardner didn't leave. She tried to speak again, sputtering apologies and words, but he refused to even listen.

"Just _go, _Gardner, just leave me alone. I want to be alone."

Gardner's feet crunched in the snow as she took a few steps backwards.

"But you_ are _alone, Kaiba. And you will be, you'll always be, until you open up."

He heard her turn around, and listened to her footsteps until they faded away.

His penetrating gaze stayed locked on the pine, staring almost past it.

That memory was exactly what it was. A memory. And that little boy didn't believe in Christmas anymore. That little boy had given up.

Author's Note: There it was...I hope you liked it. It took me AGES to write... lol Thanks for all your comments, there much appreciated, please read and review!!!! NO FLAMES!


	6. Complex Emotions

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, this fic is for my amusement.

**Author's Note:** Hey everyone! First off, I want to wish everyone Happy Holidays, even though it's a bit late. Also, I want to say I'm sorry that this took so long. (I know, I've said that at the beginning of almost every chapter...) But I went through this extremely annoying stage of writer's block that I'm praying has finally worn off. I hope that you like chapter six, it took basically all of my Christmas vacation to write... Thank you for all your beautiful reviews, you really make me feel nice. And with that, here it goes!

**Chapter six Complex Emotions**

It was everywhere.

Like a snowstorm, only the delicate beauty of the shimmering white flakes had been replaced with deep, brooding blackness. It swallowed her entire world, shattering it into a thousand tiny pieces that were impossible to repair. She stretched out a desperate hand to reach them-but they only slashed her palm defiantly before the cold darkness engulfed them once more.

The violent winds whipped her brutally across the face, leering at her from all sides, and laughing icily at her futile attempts to free herself.

Tea Gardner was trapped in the middle of the storm.

She pressed her hands against her face and plunged into the infernal shadows, racing down endless winding paths and calling fruitlessly for someone, _anyone, _to help her.

Her once hot tears felt frozen on her face as she ran forward, the only answer to her pleas the moaning wind.

She stumbled.

Gasping, Tea pulled her knees tight to her chest, sobbing as broken bits of her life lashed out painfully at her.

Up ahead, she thought she saw a tall figure, hands held up against the powerful wind, struggling hopelessly to move onward.

She called out to him, but it would have been impossible for him to hear her...trapped inside a different storm entirely...

Tea jolted awake immediately, darkness greeting her wide, sapphire eyes. Her first reaction was to scream, hair still damp with sweat, body shaking uncontrollably as the same dreadful images of the nightmare flew before her eyes.

Slowly, her frantically pounding heart began to readjust to it's normal pace, and logic gradually seeped back into her mind.

It was three o'clock in the morning, and she lying safe inside her bed, _not _huddled in the middle of a whirling storm.

Tea let out a long, prolonged breath, sighing as she turned over to her bedroom window, the yellowish light from the street lamps slightly eerie.

Somehow, this was all Kaiba's fault.

It had been him, after all, that had caused her Christmas spirits to be downtrodden even further then the diary had already taken them.

She had awoken on Saturday morning with the argument still planted firmly in her mind, and Yugi's advice silently creeping up on her. Finally, when she had been unable to cope with the guilt any longer, she had called over to her mother she was going for walk, and had gone out with the specific thought of apologizing to Kaiba in her mind.

And yet when she had finally found him, standing alone and glassy-eyed before the huge pine tree, he had done anything but relieve her of her guilty conscious. Instead he had thrown Tea's apology back in her face, not even daring to look at her as he hissed for her to leave him alone.

_Well fine. _Tea had thought angrily. _Let him act that way, I did all I could! I told him I was sorry...I admitted what I'd done was wrong. What else did he expect me to do?_

But when Tea laid back down, throwing the sheets over her head, an insuppressible guilt crept back up her, overpowering her fury.

Through the darkness she could still see Kaiba's depressed, grief-stricken face, as if someone had glued the image in front of her tired eyes.

The memory of the journal and all it's works still rang quite clearly in her ears, haunting her mind and tormenting her soul. What with Kaiba's abrupt realization and Tea's steadfast anger and guilt, her mind had held little room to remember what exactly the book had said.

But as she lied there, darkness pressing against her opened eyes, she wondered how easily she would forgive someone if _her _diary had spoken of dying parents and step-fathers that beat their children.

Grief took hold of her once more, and the brunette buried her head in her pillow, longing desperately for the sun to rise.

It was a very long time before she fell back asleep.

&&&

"Come on Tea!"

Joey slammed the phone back on the receiver, fuming as he stalked towards the empty chair by Serenity's bed.

"Big brother..." Serenity sighed, frowning at him from over her numerous bed sheets. "Don't you think your taking this a little too far?"

"_A little too far?" _Joey fought, jumping to his feet once more. "Come on, Serenity! First, Tea tells me _nothin' _about findin' Kaiba's diary, then when I finally do hear about it, she hangs up on me! Since when has Tea ever done that?!_" _

Serenity slumped back onto her pillows, defeated, but her frown remained firmly in place.

"Your right Joey, it _is _odd, but nothing to get yourself so worked up over. After all, it's just a book."

"That's where your wrong, Serenity." Joey corrected, throwing himself back into the chair and grinning wickedly. "It's my ultimate revenge on Kaiba. Who knows what he writes in there..."

Joey closed his eyes in wonder, clearly enjoying some outrageous fantasy, but Serenity made a stifled cough that might not have been entirely caused by her cold.

Joey peeked a brown eye from under his lid. "Yeah, sis?"

"Well if you really wanted to find out about Kaiba's journal, she explained, sitting up and leaning back on a extra fluffy pillow, why didn't you just go over Tea's house? You've been there thousand of times, and would be sure to get to her if you couldn't by phone."

For a very brief moment Joey's smile vanished, and he hung his head as blonde bangs fell before his eyes. But seconds later he brushed them aside with a smile that had fully returned, though Serenity noticed he was staring at her awkwardly.

"It would be rude, Serenity, ya know that..."

"_Rude?" _Serenity repeated, letting out a small laugh and smiling at her brother. "When has _that_ stopped you before?"

When she saw that this didn't lighten the tense atmosphere, she narrowed her green eyes suspiciously.

"Joey-what's wrong?"

Her brother shifted uncomfortably in his spot. "_I _normally have ta wake him up to go to work in the morning." he muttered, jerking his head in the next room's direction, where loud snores where protruding through the walls. "Do ya really think he was gonna remember to take care of ya?"

A sinking sensation hit the pit of Serenity's stomach, and she pulled the blankets tighter around her.

"I think Dad's become much more self-sufficient since Mom's left-"

Joey shook his head fervently, his shoulder's hunched, eyes averted towards the floor. "Nah, he's just as lazy as before. Remember when I was four and he let me play with the stove? Hasn't got any better...sleepin's his favorite sport..."

There came a particularly loud grunt from the next room.

"He was awake when Mai came to visit me." Serenity fought defiantly, rising herself back up to full height.

Joey shrugged. "Once in a life time thing, sis."

Serenity frowned, staring at Joey nervously through pitying eyes. "Well, I'm feeling much better today." she told him with a definite nod. "So you can go over to Tea's right now and ask her all about Kaiba's journal."

Joey's eyes returned to their lively glimmer for a moment, but died back down in an instance.

"Don't try ta make me feel better, Serenity. Your still sick, and I'm gonna make sure you get better before Christmas."

Serenity grinned good-naturally at her brother, and took a sip of her tea, which had gone ice cold after sitting on the bedside for too long.

"I'm perfectly fine, big brother. Haven't coughed all day. Now go, and don't forget to tell Tea that I said hello!"

&&&

Tea groaned, collapsing onto the coach and rubbing her temples.

"I hate you, Kaiba."

Her entire body felt as heavy as lead. After waking up at three in the morning, it had taken hours to drift back into nothing more then a light sleep, and even when she had, her mind was plagued by black storms and tall figures.

If only Kaiba hadn't jumbled up all of her emotions into one giant mass of confusion, then maybe she would have gotten some more sleep... Her head was pounding horribly.

_Ding, dong! _

The shrill noise sent a series of vibrating throbs through her skull. "What _now?" _she moaned as she pulled herself slowly to her feet. She cast a groggy look out the window.

Joey's grinning image was standing outside the door, rapping hard on the glass."Joey!" Tea called out in surprise, pretending to look cheerful as the sharp pain in her head sky-rocketed.

She edged towards the door, but only pulled it open an inch, so that a small silver of Joey's face was able to be seen. She knew exactly why Joey had come. He wanted to know about the diary, the absolute last thing that she wanted to think about.

"Joey, I don't have it anymore! Kaiba took it back..." she explained through the crack in the door.

Joey's smile instantly dropped. "Ya gave it back before showin' me?" He pressed his face closer to the door, staring intently at her.

"Tea, are ya feelin' alright? Ya look like my little sister, and she'd got the flu."

Tea flushed and glanced down at her attire. With strained, red eyes, and a sloppy frizz of brown hair, she was sure that she looked less then perfect. Even Joey had been able to spot it, and Tea had barely opened to door.

She pulled the door back a bit more, allowing the frosty winter air to breeze gently into the room. It felt strangely pleasant against her overheated face.

"Yeah, I'm fine." she replied. "A nightmare woke me up last night and I couldn't get back to sleep. Thinking about Kaiba too much..." she added as an afterthought.

It took her a few moments to realize what she had just said. Joey gaped at her, brown eyes wide as plates. "Ya...ya were thinkin...about Kaiba?" he sputtered. "But-but Yugi-"

"Calm down, Joey!" Tea shouted, finally opening the door and trying to pacify his shouts. "I wasn't _day-dreaming _about him! You see, Friday, we got into an argument and..."

A little while later Joey was sitting in Tea's kitchen, listening curiously as the brunette plunged into the tale of Kaiba's journal yet again. Well, more accurately, a _revised _version of the story, slightly different from what she had told Yugi. Far from telling Joey that she had felt like embracing Kaiba at one point, she failed to mention the fact that she had read nearly everything he'd written-or any of information that the diary contained.

A slight twinge of guilt ran through Tea as she finished her story, and it wasn't entirely caused because she was half-lying to Joey. She couldn't help but notice that her version was a bit biased, making her look like a rather innocent, unknowing girl, merely holding the journal, while Kaiba was some vicious monster, bellowing at her for no real apparent reason.

"That creep." Joey scoffed under his breath. Tea sighed, running her fingers through her knotty brown hair, and wondered why everything in the world always seemed so difficult. It was then that she remembered something.

"What about Yugi?" she asked, glancing at Joey from over the steaming cup of tea she had made.

Joey shot her a confused look. "What are ya talkin' about?"

"Before." Tea explained. "When I said I'd been thinking about Kaiba, you started saying something about Yugi, what was it?"

Joey went three different shades of purple. "It...was...nothin'..." he choked. "Nothin'..."

Tea's glare was starting to become anxious and worried. "Joey, is something _wrong _with Yugi?"

Joey shook his head in response, and Tea tried to relax herself. Still, the intent stare that Joey was giving her was starting to make the brunette feel awkward.

"Joey-what's wrong?" she finally asked.

"Nothin'..." Joey repeated, taking a sip of his tea, which Tea knew he was only doing to stall his answer, because as long as Tea had known him, he had always despised it. He choked as he swallowed the hot liquid, still giving Tea that same strange, almost thoughtful, look. "It's just...didn't ya...ever really notice...how Yugi feels...?"

Now it was Tea's turn to stare. "Joey, I have no idea what your talking about." she retorted, watching as Joey spooned more sugar into his already sweet tea, avoiding her eye.

"Joey..." Tea began in a scolding voice that sounded much like a teacher, "what's going on?"

But Joey had placed his mug down with a final _tap_, and was standing up.

"Nothin', Tea, honest. Only I better be goin' home, Serenity's still sick, and my Dad hasn't woken up yet..."

Tea sighed, but nodded, still glancing at him warily."Alright, I'll see you at the tree lighting then, right?" she exclaimed, seeing him off to the door.

Joey nodded and sped off, leaving her feeling even more confused then she had last night.

&&&

"Come on, Seto, hurry up, we're going to be late!"

"Relax, Mokuba...we're fifteen minutes early."

But Mokuba didn't want to relax. He ran five feet ahead of his brother, eyes gleaming, the icy wind whipping through his long black hair.

Seto thrust his hands into his pockets, eyes averted towards the floor as the same echoing emptiness crept up his insides.

He was doing this for Mokuba, and Mokuba alone. Nothing but his little brother would have been able to pull him away from his laptop, and bring him into this crowded mob of people, bustling around a tree in freezing weather.

He tried to keep his mind cool and empty as they trudged forward, the peek of the everlasting green coming closer into sight.

He felt his insides squirm uncomfortably, and grit his teeth as an undesired pang hit his heart.

He still remembered a lively young woman with shining black hair who had walked briskly down this exact block, her eyes, so much like Mokuba's, twinkling warmly as her fingers enclosed around a small boy's hand...

The image changed and that same woman was lying in a hospital bed, her beautiful face reduced to a horrible, putrid gray, her eyes dull and lifeless. The only noise heard over her sputtering coughs and painful retching was the mournful beeps of the heart-rate machine. The line moved slow and tediously, struggling to move onward as her weak heart tried feebly to keep beating...

Seto almost gasped as Mokuba pulled him to a sudden halt, very narrowly missing the man in front of him.

They were there.

Seto stared up at the huge tree, still quite blank and empty, and ignored the lurching feeling that was settling painfully in his stomach. If only the image of that dying woman hadn't been burned so clearly inside of his mind-then maybe he wouldn't feel so sick...

People were swarming in on them from all sides, and Seto felt clustered, trapped, within the thick crowd. He became aware of his heart, pumping hard and fast in his eardrums.

_This is stupid, _he scolded himself, _a mere tree shouldn't make me feel like this...nothing should make me feel like this... _

An elderly man tottered to the front of the tree, a wide grin spread across severely wrinkled face, and a microphone held tight in his hand.

"Well, in all my seventy year of living in Domino City, I've never seen such a crowd!"

His hoarse voice was lost as the crowd roared in applause. Seto had his mouth clamped shut.

"Yes...yes..." the old man smiled, creasing his already lined face. "It won't be long now. In fact, I invite you all to count down with me..."

The crowd started in a mummer, whispering the number ten under their breath, voices slowly gaining volume as the numbers dwindled away.

Seto could hear Mokuba counting along with them, shivering slightly against the cold wind. He looked up at the gigantic tree. He could see the deep shadows lurking in between it's branches, and even though it's needles were sprinkled with glistening snow, the whiteness seemed to fade away into the darkness and become nothing.

"Ouch, Joey! That was my _foot!" _Someone hissed angrily behind him. That same person stumbled and fell into him, and Seto turned around to see who it was.

"ONE!"

The crowd suddenly broke into wild applause, cheering on all sides as the tree suddenly burst into color.

Seto felt like his insides had suddenly vanished. The rich colors of red and green illuminated the girl's face, and the warm lights were shining in her crystal blue eyes.

For a spilt second, Seto didn't know nor care who the girl was, only that she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

And then, quite suddenly, a voice brought him back to earth with violent bump.

"_Kaiba?" _

&&&

Tea stood very still, clutching her pink jacket closer to her thin frame as she stared, wide-eyed, at the person before her.

She had never seen Seto Kaiba like this before.

His face was flushed, and his brown hair was flecked with tiny white snowflakes. He was gazing incredulously at her, as if she were some sort of ghost that had just recently strolled out of a graveyard.

But above all, it was his eyes that had her perplexed.

They held no loathing, no hate, as they had on Friday. Instead, they seemed almost delicate, gentle, maybe even_ warm _in the winter's chilled air.

But the moment was broken within seconds. The crowd began to break apart, jostling her farther away from the young CEO as freezing people fought their way home.

"Kaiba, wait!"

Tea struggled through the thick crowd, but it was hopeless. Kaiba hadn't heard her, and was making his way through the townspeople in the opposite direction.

She was reminded forcefully of that horrible nightmare as she battling desperately through the storm of people, calling out to someone that couldn't even hear her...

She came to halt, defeated, as the crowd began to drain away. She heard footsteps running up to her, and moments later Mai appeared at her side, grinning as she threw her arm over the girl's shoulders.

"Hey hun!" she exclaimed. Mai turned over to her saddened friend and her smile instantly died away. "What's wrong?"

Tea didn't answer. She suddenly felt extremely empty.

**Author's Note:** Well, I hope all you guys liked it! Please read and review, NO FLAMES! Oh yeah, and **eyeris**, your comment on why Seto would bring his diary to school really got me thinking, so I've come up with an answer for you.

Seto had no real intention of bringing the book to school with him. He spends all day first at school, then working. Right before he goes to sleep, utterly exhausted, he pours out whatever he's thinking onto the book's pages, too tired to be embarrassed about what he's writing. One night he was particularly tired, and instead of putting in his draw like he normally does, he slipped it into this trench coat pocket without thinking. That's why in chapter two he rips apart his room. He opened his draw for a pen or something and saw it wasn't there, that's when he first noticed it was missing.

That was a really clever question, I hope that you found the answer to your liking. :)

Cya all!


	7. Rejection and the Orphan's entry

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh

**Author's Note: **Okay-Okay. I know I haven't updated in forever. I'm caught dead center in my midterms so it's been really difficult to write. By next Saturday I'll be done and I promise to update all weekend! So, if I even have any reviewers left, here it goes!

**Chapter seven** Rejection and the Orphan's entry

Seto trudged home with Mokuba at his side, only dimly aware that his little brother was speaking. Confused thoughts were spiraling through Seto's mind like a violent snowstorm. His icy blue eyes were dazed and perplexed, yet their penetrating gaze seemed a bit softer then usual.

He felt as if every problem, every trouble, had suddenly been washed away, leaving him floating in the remains of a long forgotten happiness.

He thought he could still see her, the girl's gentle face hovering in front of him like a phantom. He had never seen someone so radiant, so beautiful, in his entire life. She seemed unreal.

And yet at the very same time, she was almost familiar. Like someone who had been right before his eyes every single day and he had failed to ever notice. But even if this were true, he couldn't quite put his finger on _who _she was...

In the mists of his fogged joy, a small curt voice whispered coldly in his ear.

_A ridiculous thing to waste your time thinking about. _

It was as if somebody turned the reality switch back on. He could suddenly hear his own feet crunching through the snow, and Mokuba's constantly chattering voice. The mystical joy had been feeling quickly drained away, and he was left in the same hollow, blank state he had become so accustom to over time.

"Can we do this next year too, Seto?" Mokuba was chiming happily."It's so nice walking home instead of going in that stuffy limbo all the time."

Shimmering white snowflakes began falling gently around them. A sudden stab of pain hit Seto directly in the chest. The flakes continued to waver almost menacingly before him, though he had a reckless urge for them to burst into flames.

He fought down the boiling pressure that was rising rapidly into his throat, trying to keep his expression blank and cool.

He didn't know why he felt this way. He had never had such strange mood-swings before. Well, maybe during Gozaburo's lifetime, but certainly not now. He normally tried his best to stay devoid of all emotion entirely.

He looked away from his little brother, pretending to be glancing at a nearby tree, while seriously trying to fight down the nagging pain that he knew was written all over his face.

Try as he might, Mokuba was still glimpsing him warily.

"Seto, are you okay? You seem so..." Mokuba paused, biting his lower lip as he scrounged his mind for the right word. "...upset, lately." He completed, eyeing his brother with large, mournful eyes.

For a spilt second, a very real glimmer of affection flickered in Kaiba's dead, vacant eyes. Buta mere moment later it had already been snatched away by his heart's cold barrier, like so many times before.

"Of course I'm fine, Mokuba."

The young Kaiba frowned, shuffling his feet and allowing the icy cold water to sink through his shoes. Hot tears were forming in the corners of his eyes.

"You always say your fine."

Seto didn't hear him. Although his eyes were quite dry, his heart had already begun weeping it's own silent tears long beforehand.

&&&

"What's up, Tea? You seem out of it."

Tea hardly heard Mai's voice. She was trying hard to suppress the steadfast flow of emotion that was slowly poisoning her heart.

"What?" she inquired, rather distantly.

Mai was frowning openly at her, white snow sparkling in her honey-blonde hair like tiny white gems.

"You're out of it, girl! What's wrong? Someone on your mind?" Her purple eyes darted towards the short teen walking besides them.

"Yeah." Tea sighed dully. "Someone's defiantly on my mind."

Mai beamed at her, unable to catch the bland, miserable look in the brunette's blue eyes.

All this guilt and confusion was really beginning to tear Tea apart. She wished desperately that she could just throw it away. If only she could seal it in a bottle and toss it into the ocean, then it'd float far, far away...

But the problem was, she couldn't get rid of it. As hard as she tried, she either saw Kaiba's depressed face swimming up before her eyes, or was hearing his words echo repeatedly in her head.

Tea sighed and jammed her numb fingers into her pockets, brow furrowed. If she only could get him off her mind...

"Umm, Tea?"

A tentative voice broke Tea away from her muddled thoughts. She turned around to see Yugi's small frame standing somewhat meekly against the snow. He was fiddling skittishly with his fingers, and his large purple eyes seemed determined not to look at her. In fact, it was only when Joey gave the boy a small, unnoticed nudge in the back that Yugi's great orbs finally rose to Tea's face.

His cheeks were flushed a deep, plum red, no doubt from the constant beating winds and icy snowflakes. Or at least, Tea thought. She was proven wrong moments later.

Mustering as much courage as humanly possible, Yugi let out a tiny, shuddering breath and spoke.

"T-Tea? I...I was wondering. C-could I have a word?"

"Sure, Yugi." Tea replied, mildly confused as the spiky haired teen led her away from their friends, face now furiously red. He looked as though he was trying very hard to not to hear the group's stifled snickers.

It was only a mere second later that Tea realized what must have the group so pleased and giddy. And sure enough-

"T-Tea? With the d-dance coming up...would you....go with me?"

Yugi's eyes automatically shot towards the floor, and he became very interested in picking the nail of his index finger.

Tea thought that even the howling wind must have stopped. She opened her mouth, and closed it again, speechless in the strange, blaring silence.

Tea suddenly realized how incredibly stupid she had been. How could she not have noticed Yugi's obvious crush on her? The way he glowed as bright as the Christmas lights on her tree if she so much as looked at him, or the way he constantly stuttered when he complemented her on her hair or clothes.

Why had she been so blind?

She wanted to say something, _anything_, but an abnormal pressure in her throatkept suppressing her voice. Like there was a solid wall blocking the words that she so desperately needed to say.

Then again...what_ did_ she need to say? She had always considered Yugi her best friend, someone who would always be there for her, ready to listen to even her most silly, pointless fears without laughing.

But her boyfriend? No...Tea had never thought of that...

Her brain suddenly came to a nasty conclusion with fierce bump.

Yugi was her best friend in the entire world, but that was it. Her best friend. Nothing more.

Tea's stomach rolled over when she turned back to the short teen, looking as pale as the snow and completely horrified at her stunned silence.

She felt rather ashamed of herself as she stood there, thinking over all the times Yugi had probably practiced what to say, and how much courage he must have gathered to finally ask her.

"Oh-Yugi." she sputtered, her voice slightly higher then usual. "That-that's sweet. Really sweet. B-but...I just have to t-think about it."

The crushing look on her friend's face was enough to make her burst into tears. She longed to cry out "never mind Yugi, of course I'll go!", but she knew it wastoo late for that. Besides, that same choking suppression had returned, barring her voice from speech.

Yugi gave the palest, weakest smile she had ever seen in her entire life.

"That's okay, Tea." he said softly. "Think about it all you want."

The brunette found that she could do nothing but nod.

"Well, I better go...you know, Grandpa's waiting..." Yugi said solemnly. He looked back over at his friends with huge, broken eyes and relayed a similar message . "See you, around..."

Yugi's small figure padded it's way through the snowstorm, his head bent low as he battled through the obsessive winds.

"Yug-" Joey took a step forward, concern etched deeply into every line of his face as he stared at his miserable friend, who was shrinking away in the distance.

Mai placed her hand on his shoulder, frowning as Yugi continued amble slowly away.

She rounded on Tea like an angry wolf. "_Why-"_

"I don't want to talk about it!" Tea suddenly snapped, feeling both shameful and angry all at the same time.

Her hands balled into fists and her eyes burned bright with tears. She didn't allow anyone else to speak. She just walked away.

&&&

Seto's eyes dimmed as the large mansion loomed closer into sight. He wasn't sure why, but the building had never seemed much like home.

Perhaps it was an after effect from the cold, foreboding feeling that had taken him the first day Gozaburo's limo had pulled into the driveway, or the accursed memories that the building brought to mind. Either way, it didn't make much of a difference to Seto.

Mokuba trailed up behind him, rather like a small shadow, dragging his feet and moping silently.

Seto glanced at him worriedly. It was peculiar for someone as happy-go-lucky as his brother to ask this way. He didn't like it.

But when Seto turned around to voice his distress, Mokuba only slumped passed him, swinging the door open half-heartedly and slinking into the hallway.

"Mokuba..." Seto implored, sounding almost apprehensive, "are you feeling alright?"

He scoured the boy's miserable, cold face carefully, but besides the rosy complexion that the snow had given him, Seto failed in finding any symptoms of illness.

"You know, Seto, I'm kind of tired." Mokuba gave a large yawn and rubbed his blood-shot eyes sleepily. "I think I'll just go to bed. Don't worry, I'm not sick." he added when Seto opened his mouth.

The CEO frowned as his little brother trudged slowly up the spiraling staircase. Seto heard the boy's light footsteps die away a few moments later, and padded up the stairs after him.

He came to a halt in front of Mokuba's shiny oak door, hesitated slightly, and stretched out his hand grab hold of the doorknob.

And yet...Mokuba had never lied to Seto before, why would he be doing so now? And if he really was asleep, Seto certainly wasn't going to disturb him. Maybe he'd just hold off his concern until tomorrow, Mokuba would probably feel better then and there wouldn't even be a need to anymore.

So instead going inside, Seto walked passed his brother's room, and pulled open the door to his own, shutting it behind him with a sigh.

He collapsed into a computer chair and flipped open his laptop. It was too late to go back to the office, but he could still make some progress here.

That was when it caught his eye. The little book laying casually at the side of his computer, waiting quietly to be opened again.

Seto picked up the journal and examined it. From it's cover, nobody would ever have been able to guess that this was Seto Kaiba, multi-millionaire's personal journal. In fact, it looked downright plain and ordinary.

What could have possessed Gardner to open it? She had never seemed remotely interested in him before, why, all of a sudden, had she decided on knowing his deepest thoughts?

_Perhaps to embarrass you. _A small voice suggested.

Seto gave a loud snort though his nose and dropped the book carelessly onto the table, turning back to the screen of his laptop.

Maybe Gardner _had _read the book to embarrass him-he remembered quite clearly raging at her on the very day he had lost the book for breaking his laptop.

_Well, she had deserved that. _Seto scowled angrily. _Losing my business report and forcing me to use this piece of junk... _

He glared irritably at the computer he was using. To most others, it would have been very high-tech, but it didn't work nearly fast enough for the young CEO. He was obliged to use it, however, until he had enough time to fix his other one. Seemingly, never.

Seto tried hard to concentrate on the dull words blaring out at him from the computer screen, but something else kept catching his attention.

The little book seemed to had propped itself right near his elbow, gazing imploringly at him as he worked.

Garden's words suddenly cut sharp though his memories.

"_I'm sorry...I really, really am! But I was _curious,_ and the things you wrote-I never would have guessed-"_

What, exactly, _had _he written in the diary? He normally wrote in it so late that by the next morning it was all a big blur. The only thing he could almost remember was the last paragraph he'd written, and even that was rather fogged from his memory. All he could recall was how miserable he had been the night he'd written it, and it disturbed him slightly to think of the passage might say.

Almost reluctantly, he reached out for the little booklet. Gradually, he began to flip through the pages, rereading entries that he barely remembered writing.

The words became smudged as he skimmed faster and faster through the pages, horror-struck and confused.

It was bad enough that he had called Gardner beautiful, but did he _have _to mention the bit about caroling when he was young? And _Gardner _knowing how Gozaburo had treated him? No one was _ever _suppose know that. It wasn't even suppose to be real...

And then his eyes fell upon the last paragraph, the words gleaming quite clearly, so that just anyone could read them.

_Sometimes I wonder why I'm even here. The whole world seems so pointless. If it wasn't for Mokuba, I don't think I would have made it through all those tests Gozaburo's put me through._

_There are times when I still don't think I'm going to make it. I've watched so many people perish before me. Mother, Father-_

_The day Father died... _

_I know that it didn't happen on purpose. It was an accident, it has to be. But still-the doctor had taken a different theory. _

_He said that Kado Hashishima had not driver off the road by accident. He had explained that my mother's death may have ran too deep for my fatherto survive. _

_The day my father died I had been angry at him. I can still remember screaming to him how he was never there for both me and Mokuba, that all he did was sulk in his room. I had kept going at him until he was well out the front door. _

_He went to visit Mother's grave that day and never came back. __The memory still haunts me. _

_There are times when I almost want someone to read this. Times when I could pray for someone to see my life through my own eyes-and know that it's not so perfect. And that maybe, they could see that I'm not who they think I am. _

_But I know they can't. And I'm sure by tomorrow, I'll regret I ever even wrote this. _

Seto's short, ragged breath ceased. The churning sensation in his stomach suddenly lifted-in fact, it seemed as if he had no insides at all.

His blue eyes flashed across the words he had written, reading more slowly, trying to calculate and absorb every word he had written.

The sentences jotted on the page were inky and messy, a contrast from the neat, type-writer-like handwriting he normally wrote in. This handwriting seemed more real.

Seto stared at the words until he was seeing passed them. The night he had written this was shrouded in a hazy fog-he could barely remember even picking up the pen.

But he, like so many times before, was correct. He did regret writing this.

These words hadn't been written by the cold-hearted, emotionless CEO that the all of Domino City knew. These words had been written by somebody else.

Seto Hashishima, the desperate orphaned boy who had spent numerous hours sobbing over his lost parents and clinging onto false hopes.

But it couldn't be possible. Gozuaburo had killed Seto Hashishima years ago.

For the second time in two days, Seto did something on impulse. Yesterday, he had broken a mirror. Today, he threw the book in the fire.

He watched as the pages curled up into a worthless heap of ashes, pages that had once held the secret yearnings and pains of a lonely orphan boy. The fire sparked and sizzled, devouring the words that he had so desperately poured onto the paper.

Seto stood quite still, the orange flames reflective in his deep blue eyes, and immediately fell backwards into his computer chair with a loud _thud. _

By this time Mokuba had crept quietly into the room, slightly nervous, as he knew that his brother despised being interrupted.

But the boy couldn't help it-he knew that something was wrong. Seto ordinarily stayed very cold and clinical, and these sporadic outbursts of anger and anguish were just plan weird, especially when he wouldn't tell Mokuba what was wrong.

The young Kaiba was taken by surprise by he saw Seto sitting in front of the fire, breathing heavily and staring hollowly at the flames. His knuckles were white and his eyes wide.

"Seto?" Mokuba asked placidly. "Seto, are you alright?"

Seto didn't turn around, he only hung his head.

"No, Mokuba. I don't think I'm alright."

&&&

Tea moaned, dragging her frozen feet heavily to the stone steps of her small porch.

All of a sudden snow didn't seem so wonderful.

Her hands felt like frozen bits of ice, only being weighed down by her sopping wet gloves. Her pink scarf was constantly catching whizzing snowflakes, which would sink through the fuzzy fabric and cling horribly to her already aching neck.

She sighed thickly, rubbing her numb, stiff nose, and attempting to open the slippery door, which had been coated with a seasonal sheet of ice.

When she had finally fumbled enough with the knob to get the door open, she sidled over the threshold and into the house, allowing the wet snow to trail on the rug behind her.

Her weak legs collapsed once she reached the coach, groaning as her head she dropped to her hands.

"This is the worst day ever!" she muttered irritably, scuffing the now damp floor with her foot.

"That's what you said yesterday." Came an amused voice. "What's wrong?"

Tea looked up to find her mother with her hands over her hips, gazing over at Tea with a mildly curious expression.

"Nothing." Tea sighed dully, breaking the tense gaze as she began to inspect their Christmas tree.

"_Tea..." _her mother stressed, narrowing her eyes and striding over to her daughter. "I'm your mother! What happened?"

"Yugi asked me to the dance!" Tea blurted out angrily, whipping around to face her mother once more. She buckled her arms across her chest and frowned, the intensifying guilt churning with bubbling aggravation.

But Mrs. Gardner only shot her a confused look. "Well, what's wrong with that?" she inquired, raising her eyebrows as she sat down. "He's quite a sweetheart. So polite, the way he remembers to greet me and clear off his plate when he stays for dinner..."

Tea moaned. "I know! And that's what makes it so confusing. It was like I _couldn't _say yes to him."

"Why?" Tea's mother asked calmly.

"I don't know!" the brunette wailed. "It's just-he's just-just a friend! My _best _friend! He'll always be, but that's it!"

Mrs. Gardner was silent for a moment. "Has someone else caught your attention?"

Tea opened her mouth to say no when a very peculiar thought hit her. Her eyes widened and her jaw hung slightly open, but she closed it as soon as she noticed her mother smirking.

"May I be excused?" she blurted out quickly.

Mrs. Gardner's eyes were questioning beneath their glasses, but she nodded, and Tea sped off to her room.

The brunette collapsed onto her bed and spent a long time contemplating over she had just thought.

She wasn't exactly sure what she believed anymore.

&&&

The room around him was dimmed, the sole source of light the crackling flames, which sent flickering shadows across Seto's face.

Mokuba had long since curled up on his lap, and was now breathing slowly and deeply. The boy was still holding a handful of his brother's trench coat from when he had attempted to cheer him up, though he had not been entirely successful.

Seto hung his head and stared down at the innocence before him, praying that Mokuba would never feel the way he did now.

But what he was feeling-for once Seto didn't have the answer. He was sure that no textbook he had ever studied described the alien emotion that was rising up on him from inside.

Beneath the burning flames, Seto knew that his diary's remains laid dormant somewhere, and he was quite glad they were out of reach.

He was sure that it was moments like these were the orphan boy would emerge, desperate to write just a little bit more.

A/N: There you have it. Tea's finally starting to realize she had feelings for him...now I have to work on Seto. Please stay in tune, I promise to update as soon as possible. Your comments are what keeps me going! Oh, and I hope that the Seto's diary entry wasn't a little to-er- emotionl for Seto to actually have written it. I wanted it to be something that he'd truly dread others reading, so I didn't think it was really out of character. I hope not, I try very hard to keep the characters to their actual personalities...Anyways, and please read and review! No flames!


	8. Alien Emotions

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, though I do adore both Seto and Marik

Author's Note: I would like to **dedicate** this chapter especially to **Caorann fridh Bronach**, who's friendly emails helped encourage and inspire me, and who wrote a truly brilliant romance herself. I hope that you enjoy this chapter!

**Chapter eight: Alien emotions **

Yugi moaned quietly as he crept through the front door of the Kame's Game shop, silently praying that his grandfather was already asleep.

He didn't particularly feel like making small-talk with anyone, including even his other half, who he could feel gazing questioningly at him from the corners of his mind.

_Please, mou hitori no boku, I don't feel like speaking... _

Yami remained in place, still staring rather hard at the boy before giving a curt nod and withdrawing deeper into the fragments of Yugi's mind.

The short teen sighed openly, for once regretting Yami's presence, and tiptoed silently to his room.

"Back so soon, Yugi?"

Yugi jumped, jerking his head towards the direction of the voice with wide-eyes. Grandpa Moto stood before him, his blue nightcap lopsided, and a strange glimmer in his large, purple eyes.

"Grandpa...did I wake you up?" Yugi asked politely, still fiddling nervously with the doorknob to his room.

Solomon shook his head, apparently blind to his's grandson's anxiousness to leave the hallway.

"Oh, no", he replied, " I was just wondering how your night had went." He was staring almost expectantly at the teen, his grin held firmly in place.

Yugi's heart sank. Why was it that nearly everyone had known that he was going to ask Tea to the dance except Tea herself?

"Oh, it was fine, Grandpa." Yugi answered assuredly. He mustered a false yawn and pretended to blink sleepily. "I'm a bit tired though, I think I'll go to sleep."

He didn't wait for a reply as he swung his bedroom door open and retreated inside, closing it almost instantly behind him.

A tense knot in the teen's stomach contracted sightly-he really wasn't tired at all.

Yugi slumped down into a chair by his bed and frowned, confused and hurt thoughts still spiraling around his head.

_Aibou, are you certain you don't wish to talk? _

Yami's tense voiced echoed throughout the boy's mind, and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat before retorting.

_Yes, I'm fine. _Yugi replied in a cheerful voice that failed miserably. Unable to ignore Yami's anxious stare, he added: _I'm sure that Tea has reasons behind her actions._

As if that sealed the matter, the short teen refused to say anything more, pulling his knees up to his chest and pressing his head flat against them, knocking the rest of his dim room out of sight.

Of course there were reasons behind Tea's actions, Yugi knew that. In fact, Yugi was almost entirely sure that he knew what the reasons were. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he wasn't so blind not to see that it made sense a girl wouldn't want to go to a dance with the shortest boy in school-especially when she knew he had an alter ego that was so much stronger and braver than he.

_Okay, it's not as bad as you think. It can't _possibly _be as bad as you think..._

Tea stopped pacing and dropped onto her bed, sighing loudly and holding her head in her hands.

Her mind was the home of a thousand confused, frantic thoughts, all jabbing at her brain painfully and snickering snidely at her discomfort. Desperately, Tea tried to grasp the little bit of sense she had left, but it seemed literally impossible, lost in the hazed depths of her mind.

The brunette exhaled slowly, rubbing her temples as she tried fruitlessly to empty her frantically moving brain.

Alright, so what if she had developed a _slight _feeling for the CEO? It was only to be expected. After all, she_ had _read his most private thoughts. It was probably nothing more than some sort of weird faze. It'd wear off in no time...

But what if it didn't?

Tea's painfully thudding heart skipped a beat. She couldn't deny that the diary had shown parts of Kaiba that she had thought non-existent, but that didn't mean that she could ever possibly _love-_

The girl choked. Why was she even _thinking _this? Immediately, she snatched up the little pink phone from her bag, fumbling as she began to dial Yugi's phone number.

So what if she had thought about Kaiba non-stop all week? So what if she, in an almost begrudging way, pitied him for his rough childhood? It was natural she felt bad-she was a good person! It didn't mean she was developing any sort of _feelings..._

Tea stopped midway, thumb wavering over the last number before frowning and pressing down on the 'end' button instead. Calling Yugi just to prove herself wrong was ridiculous idea, especially when she didn't even know what to say to him.

Allowing the phone to drop from her sweaty hands, Tea fell back on the bed for the second time, thinking hard.

But the only thought that entered her mind was how pathetically hopeless this entire situation seemed. Who could she possibly console in that wouldn't completely flip out on her? For sure, she no one she knew would take the news lightly.

Before a single person could pop into her head, she heard her doorbell ring from downstairs.

Tea sprang to her feet, leaving her stomach behind her, and practically jogged downstairs.

Could it be Yugi...?

Tea's question was answered immediately. In the doorway stood the much taller, and extremely agitated, Mai Valentine.

The blonde found her clutching the banister and shot her a ugly glare, causing Tea's insides to squirm uncomfortably.

"Well, hello, Mai." Mrs. Gardner greeted obliviously. "Tea's in her room."

"I...I'm right here." Tea voiced weakly, clambering down the stairs and giving the two a faded smile.

"Hey." Mai retorted in a deep, hearty tone that wasn't her own, "do you have a moment?"

Suppressing a moan, the brunette nodded. She led Mai up to her room, feeling very much like she were walking to her death, and shut the door behind them.

Her heart seemed to be giving off painful jerks instead of beating, and Tea couldn't help but feel rather sick to her stomach.

She knew it was stupid to be this upset, but the thought didn't help falter her nerves. She had never seriously gotten into an argument with her friends before, at least not one as big as this.

"Listen, I can explain." she blurted out instantly, holding up her hands as if in some form of defense.

"Really?" Mai replied sarcastically, making the knot in Tea's stomach pull tighter, "a reason for breaking that boy's heart? _Do _tell."

Tea clamped her eyes shut, trying desperately to block the scene from her vision, while searching frantically for the right way to explain...

"I didn't mean to." Her voice quavered slightly, but she continued nonetheless. "It-it just caught me off guard. And...oh, I just couldn't!"

Tea's hand flew to her mouth, barricading the sobs that longed to break free. She wanted to look brave and confident like Mai, but she could physically feel herself falling apart.

"_Why?_" Mai shrieked, her trembling hands clenching her hips as her purple eyes flashed angrily. "Why couldn't you? Yugi has to be about the sweetest boy on the planet! And you broke his fragile little heart for what-_yourself?" _

The brunette shook her head wildly, tears now streaming forcefully down her face. "It-wasn't-my-fault!" she gasped, finally releasing her hand from her mouth. "It was his! Blame _him_!"

Mai looked horrified. "_Yugi-_"

"Not him!" Tea wailed, cutting the blonde off immediately. She collapsed onto the bouncy mattress behind her, bawling emphatically into her knees.

"I don't know why I feel this way." she wept breathlessly, her body shivering compulsively between sobs. "I don't know why this happened."

The room was silent for a moment, and then Tea heard Mai's high heels tapping lightly across the floor towards her. A hand, or rather someone's fingertips, brushed the girl's shoulder sympathetically.

"Who is it?" Mai's voice asked softly. "Joey? Tristan? Who?"

Tea blinked her eyes open, her knees barring her sight from seeing anything more than darkness.

It was just like her nightmare. She could feel her life shattering all around her, yet all she could do was sit, huddled, and cry...

Mai's tone sounded almost regretful, but as for what she was saying, Tea hadn't the slightest clue. The moaning wind from her dream had returned, creating an echoing barrier between her and any other sound.

Schooldays were beginning to melt away into nothing, flying passed students eyes and creating a thick excitement that was constantly lingering in the air.

One, Seto Kaiba, however, only rolled his eyes at his own peers gratitude. He knew for a fact that Christmas break was good for one thing only-the need to hear teachers drone on about something he already knew was temporarily eliminated.

Still, the last three mandatory days were continuing to hover annoyingly over his head, and though Seto had a strong temptation to skive them, Mokuba firmly kept him from doing so.

But school's waste of time was not the only problem that the last few days were posing. Three more days of school also meant three more days of Tea Gardner, the girl who now knew his deepest thoughts and fears.

Seto still cringed mentally whenever he merely thought of the words he had written-or the fact that Yugi's number one cheerleader now knew them-but he was absolutely determined to erase the entries completely from his memory.

Seto Hashishima was dead. And he was _never _coming back.

The CEO found that ignoring the brunette was the easiest way to go about things, and it nearly always worked. Nearly.

He couldn't help but noticed that she was constantly shooting him quick glances all throughout the days, and wether they were loathsome or simply apprehensive, Seto couldn't tell, though neither sounded very appeasing.

And that alone was probably what had provoked his actions that Wednesday, sitting impatiently in his English class, as the teacher yakked on and on about poetry, a subject that he had always rendered rather useless.

It was literally impossible to ignore Gardner constantly peering at him from over her Shakespearian novel. The girl's blue eyes burned irritably into the back of his head until he could no longer stand it.

"_What?" _He hissed across the room, glaring rheumatically at the shocked brunette. Looking, as always, offended by his rude attitude, Tea whipped her head back over to the teacher, though her glassy eyes gave her away from truly listening to him.

"Mr. Kaiba!" The teacher screeched, a man with exceedingly curly hair and large, round glasses. "What do you think you are doing? Speaking in the middle of my class!"

A light mummer of suppressed snickers filled the room-it was extremely rare to see Seto being told off by a teacher. He normally stayed mute throughout all of the classes, answering in cold, curt responses if he had absolutely no other choice.

"You too Miss Gardner!" The teacher scolded when he noticed the brunette's satisfied smirk. "If I'm not mistaken, you haven't been paying a ounce of attention in my class! Get out the both of you! You'll just have to make up the work later!"

Seto seriously longed to retort, but for once held his tongue as he exited. Now, so close to Christmas break, was definitely not a time to receive detention, especially in a country like Japan, where teachers were revered.

"Nice going, Gardner." He shot the moment the two were out of the classroom. "I'll waste valuable time deciphering Shakspere's works at home."

"Oh, and it was _my _fault." Tea replied through gritted teeth. "I'm not so happy about making up work either, Kaiba!"

Seto chose to ignore her as he leaned his head against the hard stone wall, eyes focused on the clock as it's hands ticked menacingly slower and slower into reaching it's goal.

A strange, twisting feeling had taken over Tea's gut by the time the school bell had finally rung, and she found it very hard to concentrate on what Joey was saying as they passed through the school's open doors.

"...reckon he was just bluffin' with you, Tea. He didn't even give us work! Too close to Christmas, ya know. It's really stupid, they should just forget about having classes altogether..."

Yugi and the gang, like true friends, hadn't completely disowned Tea for her actions. In fact, they were rather good-natured to her. But even so, Tea could tell that their smiles were rather half-forced most of the time, and that many probably felt like voicing a lot of the things that Mai had.

But Yugi had to be worse of all. He had remained just as sweet as always, but there was something rather broken about him, and the warm glimmer that his eyes always held seemed to be fading. It made looking Yugi in the eye a very difficult task.

There were so times that would have made the perfect opportunities for Tea to speak up and tell her friend everything-only she didn't know what "everything" was. Both sleepless nights and countless ignored classes were still unable to explain what this weird emotion was, or wether it real or not.

Part of her was still prone to say that it was nothing at all, just a surreal dream or faze that would eventually wear off altogether.

And yet...

Deep down within the fragments of her soul, she couldn't help but hear a tiny, unbiased voice ring throughout he mind. A voice that was quite capable of believing that Kaiba may seriously have another side to him, and that maybe, just maybe, this feeling _was _possible-

The brunette mentally shook herself. Probably due to a heavy influence from Joey, the very thought of it being possible still made her cringe slightly.

"Ow!"

Someone had just rammed forcefully into her shoulder, and a sharp pain was beginning to ache dully within it, though the young man's blue trench coat continued to flutter in the breeze as he walked onward, never caring enough to even look back.

An abnormal, wild hatred suddenly flamed up inside of her, and Tea had a very abrupt, rather vicious temptation to smack Kaiba until every tiny inch of him was sore.

Grinding her teeth angrily, the brunette whipped her head back over to her friends, hands already clenched in fists.

"I'll be right back, guys."

Yugi simply stared questioningly, but Joey gave a louder response.

"Ya gonna tell Kaiba off? Isn't that what ya always tell me _not _ta do?"

The throbbing rage inside of her only seemed to flare up higher at Joey's words, and she found that her trembling body could only give a jerking nod.

"Do you _not_ wantme to tell him off?" She finally spoke, waiting expectantly for the answer she knew was coming.

Joey shook his head right away, the first real smile cracking across his frost-bitten face since Saturday. "Come on, Yug, we gotta see this!"

But Yugi only gave a faint ghost of a smile before responding. "No, that's alright, Joey, Grandpa's waiting for me at home..."

Joey's smile melted off his face like ice on a warm winter's day. Edging towards her, Tea noticed that the blonde's brown eyes, for once, appeared very serious.

"That's the fifth time he's used that excuse this week, Tea. Sumthin's wrong."

The brunette's hateful anger slowly died away before being replaced with a new emotion: guilt. This was Joey's way of saying that she had really hurt his best friend's feelings.

"I-I know." Her vocal cords must have tightened up, it seemed impossible to push a sound through them. "I need to talk to him."

To her surprise, Joey was shaking his head. "Nah, let me talk ta him first. Ya...ya sorta crushed him."

Releasing a short gasp, the girl nodded, squeezing her eyes shut firmly. "O...kay." she murmured softly. "I have to get home-I-I'll see you."

Tea turned around before he even had a chance to respond. Throat burning, she quickened her pace as she strode down the street, eyes averted to the ground, who's snow was beginning to become streaked with mud and dirt.

Now feeling throughly depressed, the girl tore her gaze from the ugly ground to find that she had turned in the same direction as Kaiba. If she walked fast enough, she could still catch up with him...

As the same tense irritation struck her once more, Tea began to jog down the block, hoping desperately that she didn't slip on the icy sidewalk.

"Hey Kaiba! Wait!"

As if he hadn't heard her, Kaiba kept on walking, eyes focused completely on the elementary school that growing larger in the distance.

_He must be going to pick up Mokuba. _Tea thought, as she stomped through piles of rotten snow. _That's weird._ She added to herself curiously. _Why can't he just get a worker to pick Mokuba up for him? _

The brunette called out to the CEO once more, now entirely enraged at his lack of attention, and still battling uselessly against the large heaps of blackish snow.

"Kaiba-_please_-listen to me!"

Tea almost stumbled over her own feet when she saw him coming to a halt.

The girl opened her mouth, ready to spout out an entire speech on what a truly horrible person Kaiba was when he turned around.

As if by some invisible force, all her brutal motives seem to wash away instantly, leaving her mind blank and harmless.

His eyes were so _cold_, like icy lakes frozen from the chilled winter air.

_But then, _a tiny voice whispered in her ear, _all frozen lakes melt in spring..._

Her heart gave a strange, abnormal flutter.

No lake was originally frozen. It was winter's harsh force that made it that way, and spring's gentle touch that changed it back...

"What do you want?"

Tea almost gasped, snapping rather unpleasantly back into consciousness and blushing slightly. What had she just been thinking?

"Uhh..." Tea started weakly, tugging on a strand of hair uncomfortably. She was suddenly at a complete loss of what to say.

Kaiba stony glare, if possible, got stonier.

"I don't have all day to stand around and watch you gibber. I've got places to be and reports to write. If you have to say something, _say it." _

If Tea had been feeling quite like herself, she probably would have wondered why Kaiba was even giving her a chance to speak, but she wasn't.

In fact, Tea had no idea who or what she felt like. Her tongue was limp and heavy in her mouth, and she seemed to slur over the words that she so wanted to say.

If only his eyes weren't so deep and alluring, then maybe she could answer...

Kaiba let out a irritated sigh, and with a swish of his coat, he had already turned to leave when Tea finally realized what she needed to say.

"I want to help you."

She never thought that she had said something so utterly wrong yet at right in her entire life.

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this, it's really getting close to the end! (About time too, since I'm still writing about Christmas in February. lol.) Please remember to read and review, but no flames!


	9. Not Quite, But Almost, Accepted Feelings

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Yu-Gi-Oh, every single episode would be about either Seto or Marik. Evidently, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.

**Author's Note: **Thank you all for such nice comments! You people seriously keep my going. My appreciation comes from the very depths of my heart! Once again, I apologize for thehow late it is.I hope you all know I really tried to make this as best as a could. A special thanks, as always, to Caoramm fridh Bronach, always so keen to help me out with grammar and give great suggestions.

**Chapter Nine** **Not Quite, But Almost, Accepted Feelings**

She was out of her mind.

There was simply no other explanation. Gardner stood there, fingers pressed hard over her mouth as if she had just given away some sort of extremely valuable information to her most hated enemy. She seemed utterly horrified, gaping beneath her cold, slender fingers.

But the brunette's hopelessness did not hamper Seto's anger in the slightest. In fact, she only caused it to flare higher, forcing the grip on his briefcase to tighten dramatically.

So it wasn't enough that she had made a mockery of him last Friday. She needed to do it again. Like she was constantly tugging at the memories she knew taunted him most, delighted to watch them rise once more to the surface after he had tried so hard to bury them.

Well, he wasn't going to continue amusing her.

"_What did you say?" _he growled, making sure that every ounce of loathing was clearly evident in his voice.

Gardner quaked slightly but soon regained her confidence, as she always did, and removed her hand hesitantly from her face.

"I-I said I wanted to help you. Please let me."

It was strange how a voice so sweet could sound so poisonous.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Seto snarled furiously. "I _don't _need any help. What I _do _need is for you to leave me alone."

He turned to walk away, a strange, abnormal feeling other than fury pulsing through his body as he made his way up the block.

But Gardner, like a chick that thought you its mother, couldn't be avoided so easily.

"_Please, _Kaiba!" she begged, jogging now to keep up with his vast strides. "I didn't know before, but now-now, I understand!"

Seto came to a halt. A shadow of the meaningless word echoed coldly through his brain as he spun around.

Of course Gardner understood.

Just like the doctors that had refused to let him see his dying mother and the matron at the orphanage, always so keen to ignore bullies that constantly tormented Mokuba.

_Yes, they had always understood, _a malicious voice whispered in his ear, _just like Gozaburo. He understood too... _

Something inside Seto snapped.

It wasn't exactly hatred, but it certainly wasn't happiness either. It felt like a dark, choking suppression, as if someone had tied a rope around his chest and was it pulling tighter and tighter, leaving him gasping for breath.

"You think you could ever _possibly _understand?" he shouted, unaware of his now panting, uneven voice. "You think just because you read a few lines out of a damn book you suddenly know _everything? _Get realistic, Gardner. Those words were a lie, nothing but a facade. I don'twant nor need your help. I don't_ need _anything."

The words hung hollowly in the silent, still air suddenly devoid of all wind and sound. Seto's brain began demanding him to move, but his entire body felt like lead. It was as if the brunette's strange stare were a web that had some how managed to ensnare him. For a long time, nobody spoke, then Gardner slowly parted her frowning lips, whispering three very quiet words.

"That's not true."

Of all the emotions ever to have gone through him the past few wretched days, this had to be the most bizarre.

It took all the CEO's might to restrain himself from shaking as he made his final turn towards Mokuba's school, determined not to hear the brunette's constant calls for attention, plowing faster through the blackened snow away from her.

&&&

Tea sighed hopelessly before walking away. It was hard enough trying to face up to her own emotions-but did Kaiba _have _to make it ten times worse by shoving her away?

_Well, he wouldn't be Seto Kaiba if he didn't do that, now would he? _a tiny voice whispered in the back of her mind, and Tea couldn't help but smile.

Even if the CEO hadn't actually come out and said it, the brunette was almost certain that her words had affected him in one way or another. After all, she had never thought her speech at Duelist Kingdom would have made such an impact, but according to his diary, it apparently had.

She felt strange as she walked home, hands in her pockets, musing over Kaiba's thoughts and feelings. Almost as if she were beginning to accept what was happening to her– _almost_ at least.

After all, Yugi was always encouraging people to follow the heart of the cards and, well, she was following a heart. Just one of different sorts.

"Seto, you're picking me up today!"

Mokuba laughed gleefully as he plunged through the thick crowd toward his big brother's direction. It was always rather special when Seto came to pick him up, especially since he was constantly too busy.

But the boy's excitement withered instantly upon seeing his older sibling. Seto appeared irritated and disheveled, his left hand plunged deep within his pocket. Mokuba opened his mouth to voice it, but Seto spoke first.

"How was school, Mokuba?"

"Fine," the young Kaiba replied shortly. "Seto, is something-"

"Didn't you say you had some sort of exam today? A math one?"

"Yeah," Mokuba answered hastily. "And it went good." He added when Seto reopened his mouth.

"It went _well, _Mokuba. Not 'good.'"

The young Kaiba only pouted at his older brother's correction, crossing his arms irritably over his chest.

"Quit trying to change the subject. What happened?"

The stiff silence rang awkwardly in the air. Mokuba gave an inward sigh and stared pointedly at the ground. Once again, his Seto was failing to tell him anything.

"Does it...have something to do with the book?" the boy asked vaguely as they left the schoolyard. Seto didn't answer, but Mokuba saw the long fingers around the young man's briefcase tense.

Ever since Sunday, the two siblings had silently agreed not to bring up Seto's sudden outburst or the incident he had spoken of after Mokuba had walked in the room. It had taken the boy quite a bit of prying just to find out that someone _had _found Seto's diary. As for _who-_Mokuba reckoned he'd never know.

But as they stood there, walking side by side, the boy felt the need to voice the subject again. He had been hoping for so long that this year would be a normal Christmas, and the nosy-body who had read the stupid book was really destroying his plans.

Seto didn't answer right away. Mokuba noticed the glazed, distant look in his eyes and realized his brother was either very puzzled or very disturbed.

"It doesn't concern you, Mokuba," Seto finally answered. Mokuba groaned and shuffled his feet. He suddenly decided to use a different tactic.

"Seto, do you want to have a good Christmas this year?" he asked innocently, trying to sound as bright and energetic as possible.

His brother gave a curt nod.

"And you want us both to be happy, right?"

There came another nod and Mokuba let out a satisfied smile. "Well, how can both be happy if you're keeping stuff from me?"

"I'm not keeping anything-" Seto began at once, but Mokuba shook his head.

"I'm not mad," he replied truthfully. "I just want to know who's bugging you so much."

Seto sighed as they he pushed the brown bangs off his face with his free hand. "She's no one Mokuba, just a stupid classmate."

_She. _That word intrigued the boy. So it had been a _girl _who read his big brother's diary? Well, that made sense-females were prone to be snoopy and gossipy. He scrounged around his mind for the most likely person it could be.

"Well, it can't be Tea Gardner-"

The words jerked Seto into a sudden halt and Mokuba's eyes widened in realization.

"No way..."

&&&

Tea plopped down on her bed, allowing her exhaustion to finally take root. She knew that she was more emotionally drained than physically. After all, ten blocks had never done this to her before-even with the now dense, muddy snow.

"I hope it snows again..." Tea sighed as she pressed her fingers against the frost-bitten window. She stared mournfully out the glass, her mouth slowly quivering into a small frown. Why was it that this depressed her so much? Snow was nothing more than frozen water. Just ice that would eventually melt anyway...

Repressing the oddly strong urge to cry, she suddenly caught hold of a flickering red light emitting from her answering machine. Someone had apparently left her a message.

Leaning over a particularly large pillow to reach her bedside table, Tea fumbled before pressing down on the 'play' button.

Mai's rather weak voice filled Tea's quiet bedroom.

"Hey, girl...got your phone number from Joey, but I'm not gonna waste time chit-chatting. I was real angry at you last Sunday and I still haven't completely forgotten you turning down poor Yugi."

Tea's stomach gave a guilty lurch at the word "poor".

"You see, me and Joey have been planning for you two to go that dance together for quite some time now, and I guess I just never saw you with anybody else. I mean, who else _could _it possibly be? I'm finding it hard to imagine Tristan or Joey. Anyway, I suppose I called to...sort of apologize. I'm _still _not happy with your actions, but I thought you should know that. Bye."

The brunette dropped her face into her pillow, allowing it to completely obscure her vision.

"Just great," she muttered thickly into her pillowcase. "The whole gang's still furious at me for turning down Yugi, and I'm sure they'll be just peachy about my _new_ center of affection."

Tea lay there for quite some time, her head to sinking deeper into the feathered mattress while she wished fervently that time could just stand still forever.

It was only when she heard someone rap on her bedroom door that she returned to the real world, lifting her heard of her pillow and letting out an irritated sigh.

"Come in..."

The door creaked open on its less-then-oiled hinges and Joey Wheeler stepped inside, red-faced and shivering from the outside cold.

"Joey! I didn't even hear my Mom let you in!" Tea exclaimed, jumping upright and staring questioningly at her companion. "What's wrong?"

The teen was frowning openly at her, his warm brown eyes dull and hurt. With a sudden thrill of horror, Tea wondered if Joey had somehow figured out her secret feelings towards the CEO.

But the male blonde's abrupt querying quickly diminished Tea's worries.

"Tea, do ya like the other Yugi?"

The girl sat up, startled at Joey's bold, outright question, but immediately shook her head no. Her nerves had already begun to subside but only very slightly. She knew what question would come next.

Joey's frown instantly melted away in relief, replaced with his usual, rather goofy, grin. "Yugi will be glad ta hear that. He was all convinced ya didn't wanna go to that stupid dance with him 'cause ya liked that spirit in his puzzle."

"No, I don't like Yugi's other half," Tea assured him, secretly longing it to be the only news needed to be told.

Joey was frowning again. He knit his brow and shot her a perplexed look. "So...why did ya turn down Yug? It's not really like ya, Tea."

The brunette's insides began to coil up painfully within her. She had already edited the truth a bit when she had told Joey about the diary–she couldn't just evade the verity completely. It went against everything she believed in.

"Well, you see..." Nerves were shooting up and down her spine like tiny needles. "I don't know if I can answer your question," she finished uselessly.

She focused her eyes on the tiny rose petals printed on her rug, hands clenched together, determined not to look Joey in the face.

She felt his hand clap down on her shoulder.

"Ya know ya can tell me anythin', right Tea?" he whispered truthfully.

A throbbing lump seemed to have formed in the very center of the brunette's throat, so that even if she had wanted to speak, she wasn't entirely sure it was possible.

"I mean, it can't be that bad," Joey continued. "Sure, Yug's a bit put-out, but he's not about ta quit bein' ya friend. Just tell me. Who's it that's got'cha so captivated?"

Tea's mouth went unmistakably dry. She almost thought she could hear the quick, fast-paced thudding of her own heart.

_Why was this so complicated? _

"Is it someone I know?" Joey asked, studying her intently through his chocolate brown eyes.

Tea squeezed her own blue ones shut and nodded. There was no possible way he could guess...

"Tristan? Bakura? Or..." Joey opened his mouth hesitantly, but closed it right away. Finally, looking pale and sheepish, he mustered up the strenght to say what was needed. "Me?"

"No." She let out a high-pitched, nervous giggle. "Don't worry, it's not any of you guys."

But Tea's words went far from relieving him. The teen soon began pacing around the room, causing her stomach to twist into an uncomfortable knot.

"Well...it's not like it's..._Marik_, or anyone, right?"

Tea's heart must have ceased beating completely. Marik had not been the person she had been expecting him to mention.

"No, Joey. I promise it's not Marik. But _please-_I think that's enough interrogation for one night. Here, I'll show you to the door..." Her voiced sounded weak, almost exhausted. She swallowed hard and got to her feet, sweeping over to the door in an instant.

"Tea..." Joey began, "I didn't mean ta insult ya or anythin'-"

The girl shook her head feverishly. "Don't worry, you didn't." She pushed the door open creakily and gave a false smile, praying that he'd given up on his curiosity and would leave.

"Just one more person. I know it's stupid ta ask, but there's no way that Kai-"

"Joey, I think you should leave!"

She had shouted loud enough to drown out Joey's last words, though she knew exactly what he had said.

Her breath was ragged and uneven. Joey's mouth fell open in horror, but Tea shoved him out of the room before he had even the slightest chance to retort.

She threw her entire weight on the door and pushed it forcefully closed, cutting her friend off completely. Panting, she slid down the door's rough wooden surface, burying her head in her knees.

Tears had already begun to form in her eyes, but she wiped them away angrily. They had shed enough this past week.

"Tea! Open up!" Joey demanded. But the brunette only clapped her hands over her ears and moaned. The awful thuds of Joey's fists against the door seemed to vibrate through the wood into the girl's very spine.

For a moment, time itself really did seem to stand still, but seconds later it was broken by her friend's quiet footsteps slowly receding down the hall.

&&&

"_That's not true." _

Seto dropped his head to his hands, abandoning his half-finished work and sighing loudly. A prickle of irritation ran through him as he stared up at the bright computer screen. Normally, his work could take his mind off anything, so why was it that _she _wouldn't leave?

It was childish, really. His mind was able to block out dying parents, crumbling orphanages, and abusive step-fathers, yet it was incapable of removing a simple, blue-eyed girl from memory.

Then again, he couldn't truly say that he had _completely _erased his past–not with the ugly presence of his diary's burnt ashes lying dormant in his fireplace back home.

He couldn't help but feel that...somehow...he had asked for all this torment. After all, hadn't he wished for someone to know his thoughts? Hadn't his journal's last entry clearly stated that he _wanted _someone to understand?

Seto cupped his long-fingered hands back over his face, allowing the cool, soothing darkness to sweep back over his face.

Emotion was like poetry. Flowery and useless. You didn't need it to survive. In fact, Seto found that it rather hindered one's life. How many people fell into depression a year?

Not that depression was anything he had in any way experienced. Perhaps Seto Hashishima, but definitely not him.

And yet, with all the hard core facts noted for how harmful and pointless emotion was,

why was it that this simple, nosy girl was causing some form of feeling to flicker in his empty soul?

"Mr. Kaiba? Mr. Kaiba, someone is here who wishes to see you."

Seto rose from his hazed thoughts and shot the intercom a quizzical look. He hadn't made any arrangements with any other corporations.

"Tell Mokuba I'm busy," he spoke into the machine before turning back to the computer.

"It's not Mokuba, sir. It's a young woman. She claims to know you from school."

Seto's mouth fell open slightly. It couldn't possibly be who he thought.

**Author's Note: **I think you all know who _that _is. Chapter 10 is going to be a very big turning point in this story. Certain people may even begin to open up... Please read and review! And no flames!


	10. Not So Hidden Emotions

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh

**A/N: **Hey, everyone. Yes, I'm actually back. I know it's pathetic how long my updates take, but I do pay strict attention and put a lot of effort into what I've written. Unfortunately, that just makes me write incredibly slow...

**QueenofHearts4u**: I apologize for how late this is! I was deeply honored that you requested it for your birthday, and I really tried to get it in on time. But, you see, I've come to the conclusion that I'm an extremely slow writer. I try to write things really carefully and am constantly changing my mind. Put that all together and you'll know most of my updates take weeks to come out. I would have loved to have written it in time for your birthday, but if I had it would have been rushed and not nearly as good as it's suppose to be. Hopefully you'll be able to accept this as a late birthday present? Happy birthday!

Once again, thanks to **Caorann fridh Brónach** for editing my work! I hope you all enjoy this chapter.

**Chapter 10 Not-So-Hidden Emotions **

It had not been until she had physically entered the building that Tea's nerves attacked. As if a cold dagger had suddenly been plunged deeply into her lungs, she found herself struggling to take a single breath.

Her heart was giving off loud, resounding _thrums _that echoed painfully in her ears like a giant, wooden drum.

And yet, despite her negative reactions, the brunette tried to stand tall and pretend she belonged here like the very studious-looking man at the counter, his fingers flashing wildly across the keyboard. It appeared as though he never blinked, his entire body arched forward towards the screen.

Feeling slightly hesitant to break such concentration, Tea slowly made her way over to the desk, clearing her throat as loudly as she could.

The man didn't look up.

Biting her lip apprehensively, she opened her mouth and spoke in a shaking, jerking tone, "Excuse me?"

Kaiba's employee spun around, looking confused and disheveled at being pulled away from his precious computer.

"Yes?" he inquired incredulously, gazing at her through small, spotless spectacles.

"I...I came to see Kaiba," Tea stated, her voice horribly weak and small. "_Mr._ Kaiba," she corrected hastily upon seeing the man's addling expression.

Nodding slightly, he lifted a finger to his chin, studying her face questioningly. "And...who are you? Exactly?"

A prickle of irritation broke through her mind, causing the girl to regain some of her long-lost nerve.

"I know him from school. I need a whole appointment just to see a _classmate_?"

The employee smirked, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose as he spoke. "Mr. Kaiba is a very busy man."

"This is _important," _the brunette insisted in an exasperated tone. "Believe me, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't."

The man shrugged his shoulders, smiling at her as if she were some sort of naive child. "As you wish...but Mr. Kaiba hates being interrupted," he replied loftily, turning to the intercom machine that was almost entirely obscured by crumbled paper.

"I know," Tea sighed hopelessly.

"Mr. Kaiba? Mr. Kaiba, someone is here who wishes to see you," the man spoke into his machine, brushing some wrinkled papers out of the way.

There was a pause, and then Kaiba's voice sounded, just as cold and curt as always, his response short and simple:

"Tell Mokuba I'm busy."

Tea's stomach knotted painfully. She was certain that Kaiba was not going to be to very happy when he discovered that it was not his brother who had come to bother him.

"It's not Mokuba, sir," the employee replied with a quick glance at the girl. " It's a young woman. She claims to know you from school."

The silence was only broken by the constant clacking of keys and footsteps in the rooms and hallways. For a slight second, Tea thought Kaiba was simply not going to answer, but then, in a strangely quiet, strained voice, she heard him say"Fine. Let her come."

The employee almost jumped out of seat, sending his glasses askew as he stared, baffled, at the brunette before him.

"Go to the hallway at the left. Take the elevator to the top floor and walk all the way to the last door," he sputtered, still gazing at her as if she were some sort of phantom.

Tea thanked him before walking away but was unable to conceal a smile of triumph as she made her way to the elevator.

&&&

"This is ridiculous! Absolutely ridiculous! I must be havin' sum sorta nightmare!"

Joey had forgotten about his soundly sleeping father, his sick and weary sister. All he knew was that he wanted to make as much noise as humanly possible.

He threw the door wide open and stomped as loudly and heatedly as possible into his living room, breathing heavily through firmly clenched teeth.

Balling his fingers into a tight fist, he rammed his foot into a wooden chair, only causing a searing pain to erupt in his big toe.

"Joey-Joey, what's wrong?"

The screaming and kicking had apparently woken Serenity; she stood shivering on the staircase, still in her flannel nightgown and brushing locks of messy reddish-colored hair off her face.

Disturbing his ill little sister was not something that made the male blonde very proud, and he felt the dead weight of guilt sink into his stomach as he looked up at her pale, tired form.

"Sorry, Serenity. I didn' mean ta wake ya up."

But his sister only tilted her head at him, olive-colored eyes wide and curious.

"It's alright, Joey. You can tell me. What happened?"

The boy sighed and collapsed into the chair he had just recently tried to kick to pieces.

"I don't think I wanna talk about it. It sorta makes me feel sick ta my stomach."

A soft smile flickered across the girl's lips, but smiling was the last thing Joey felt like doing. He buried his eyes in his hands, wishing the darkness his cupped fingers had created could cloud the truth as well as his vision.

Serenity's small footsteps could be heard from the staircase. Moments later, he felt her hand on his shoulder.

"Joey?"

"Do ya think it's possible that somebody coulda taken ova' Tea's mind?" he asked miserably. "Or that maybe the _real _Tea's been kidnaped or sumthin'?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Ya know how I told ya that Tea wouldn't go ta that dumb dance with Yugi?" Joey mumbled in a muffled tone.

"Yeah," Serenity answered simply.

"Well, it's 'cause she wants ta go with money-bags instead."

Joey felt his sister's hand leave his shoulder and looked up to see that she had taken a few steps backwards, mouth hanging slightly open.

"You don't mean—it couldn't seriously be—_Kaiba?" _

"Who _else _do I call money-bags?" Joey yelled out irritably, now thoroughly upset upon hearing the CEO's name once more.

"Oh, but that can't be true," Serenity answered worriedly. "Everybody knows that Tea can't stand him. _Unless..._"

Realization suddenly dawned on the girl's pale face, her green eyes widening once more.

"Unless what?" Joey asked suspiciously, studying his sister's face for clues, but none came.

Serenity shrugged. "Well, she read his diary. Maybe it said something that made her change her mind about him."

"Yeah, like how much money's in his bank account!" the boy fumed.

Serenity placed her hands on her hips. "Come on, Joey. You _know _that Tea's not selfish like that."

"Well, she sure is actin' like it! Ya shoulda seen her when I found out—she practically threw me outta the door!"

There was a very tense moment of silence. Joey could hear Serenity shuffle her bare feet against the smooth wooden floor, but for a long time she didn't speak.

"Joey, Tea's your friend. Regardless of how she's acting, you should at least _try _to see her point of view," she spoke seriously. "I'm not saying that she's right!" she added hastily at Joey's stone-dead stare. "I'm just saying you should give her a chance..."

The boy nodded, but a faint frown line creased his forehead as buried his head in his hands once more.

"True, but when did she ever give _Yug _a chance?"

&&&

By the time she had reached the door, Tea felt as if her fully functional, beating heart had somehow been lodged within her throat.

Her eyes wavered over the plain, type-written plaque (CEO; Seto Kaiba), and she realized if she didn't do this now she'd never be able to muster the courage to try again. Drawing a sharp breath, she rapped on the door firmly only to find no response.

Nerves shooting up and down her spine like tiny needles, she gave the door a light push and was shocked to see it glide smoothly open.

"Kaiba?"

She spoke in her utmost lowest tone, yet her voice still manage to resound through the room, shattering the still, eerily silent air, devoid of even the dull clacking of fingers flying across keys.

"_Why _are you doing this to me? Is it that you simply enjoy watching people crumble or that you must know every minor detail of one's life?"

His voice was almost inaudible. He sat at his desk with his eyes averted towards the floor, fingers strewn messily through his brown hair. The brunette wasn't certain, but she almost thought she saw his hand quiver.

For the first time since she had stepped inside the building, a different feeling squeezed her heart uncomfortably. Regret.

Perhaps this truthfully wasn't the best way of going about things. If Kaiba was seriously as distressed as he looked, she may be harassing him more than actually helping him.

Still, there were some things she needed to sort out with him before she could even think of confronting her companions.

"Kaiba, you're mixing up everything. I...I'm sorry that I read the book, okay? I told you it before; It wasn't for my own amusement or anything–" Tea faltered, a thick, choking pressure rising forcefully into her throat, as if trying to barricade the words coming out. Refusing to give in, she took a small, shaking breath and forced herself to continue.

"I only opened it to check its name, and I found yours in it. I wasn't going to read it or anything, I swear, but I caught hold of the first line by accident and it just opened the door to so many things. I never knew how you were hurt like that. Are still hurt–_please _just let me help you..."

Kaiba looked up at her with cold, dead eyes. Eyes that almost made her shiver. For a slight moment his face stood still and immobile, as if he truly wereentirely and utterly emotionless. But a minute later he had opened his mouth, and words of fury spilled out of it.

"Don't try to sugar-coat your curiosity. You found it amusing that someone as rich as I am had once been a orphan. Why else would you have thrown it in my face that day in front of that damn store? In truth, the only reason you're saying all this nonsense is to cover up the fact that you opened the book in the first place."

The burning lump that had been steadily forming in Tea's throat now felt like a knot of gnawing flames. She opened her mouth to speak, a million half-thought-out, insane sentences flashing across her mind.

Both anger and guilt peaked at the same moment, exploding into a parade of words and sentences she would never have even thought to utter.

"What's wrong with you? It's like you believe that the entire world is nothing more than a black, discouraging pit full of people who all sneer at one another! Don't you believe a human being is capable of _love—compassion_? Doesn't the word _hope_ mean anything to you at all? Or is it that you think all I believe in is a lie? That the human race really is nothing more than a pack of greedy, cruel monsters?"

"Yes," Kaiba answered instantly, shooting upright out of his chair and glaring at her with the coldest, emptiest eyes she had ever seen. "Yes, that's_ exactly _what I'm trying to say, Gardner. You and your friends can go around believing in your_ childish,_ Peter Pan ways of living,but I'll know the truth! This world is filled with liars and thieves–people willing to shed blood and torture to get what they want. I've seen it, I've _experienced _it. No one truly cares–they're all too busy grappling for power. That's what this world's really about, Gardner. Not those fairy-tales you're so content in telling during speeches."

Tea was shaking. And yet as she stood there, staring at him, she realized that she felt more pity than anger. It was only in this moment that she realized how much people like Gozaburo had corrupted the CEO's view on humanity. Still, one figure shone out distinctively though the darkness.

"So," she replied in a cool voice that quavered only slightly, "you must believe Mokuba's like that as well, do you?"

The brunette could literally feel the thick tension her word had already formed, could see both the confusion and anger brewing in Kaiba's dark blue eyes.

"Mokuba has nothing to do with this conversation." His face was chalk white, his hands formed into shaking fists.

"No," Tea whispered slowly. "You don't see Mokuba that way at all...because he loves you. And you love him. That's why you were in that tiny shop the day you found me with your diary. You wanted to get him something that would be special, something that one of your servants couldn't go out to by for you."

"Stop trying to understand me!" Kaiba snarled. "Just because you read that damn book you think—"

"It's true, though, isn't it?" the brunette replied, raising her voice slightly louder. "Please, Kaiba, why won't you let me help you?"

"Because I don't need any! And even if I _did, _you'd be the last person I'd go to!"

The CEO was shaking, glaring at her with furious eyes, his face reduced to a pale, ghost white.

"The person who wrote in that book needed help," the brunette spoke, fixing her eyes upon him with a meaningful stare. "Why won't you just admit what you wrote?"

The demanding sentence flew through the stiff air and seemed to pierce Kaiba's very soul as if she had thrown daggers at him instead of words.

He slowly lowered his head to his hands as if ashamed to accept the defeat that was so bitterly upon him. If there were ever a time Tea had wished to reach out to him, it was now, but her voice was locked away, drowning in the deep pools of regret she could feel her heart pouring.

"No matter where I go..." Kaiba whispered softly, "no matter how far away I am, I can still feel their accusing, unblinking eyes staring down upon me, trying to cut through my memories and force me to remember.

"Even when I try to run away, I'm surrounded, trapped within the stony glares of people I make strangers...phantoms I make strangers..."

Tea had the distant impression that the CEO was no longer speaking to her, but to someone else. Maybe even himself.

Kaiba looked up. His eyes were like empty, echoing chasms that had no ending, simply running on for eternity into cold blueness.

"But that's not enough," he suddenly spat angrily. "No, it's crucial for me to have a living tormentor as well. Someone to constantly follow me and whisper words of how horrid and failed my childhood was; someone trying to simply resurrect the past pains I've tried so hard to get rid of."

It felt as though all of Tea's insides had vanished, like her heart as suddenly ceased beating and was standing perfectly still–like time.

"Kaiba," she murmured, slowly taking a few steps forward. "_Seto, _please, listen..."

"No!" Kaiba shouted loudly, causing Tea to actually jump in shock. "Get out of my office _right now. _Don't _ever _try to talk to me again!"

The brunette took a few steps backwards and out of the door, occasionally bumping into people in the hallways as his voice echoed within her now thoroughly muddled mind.

&&&

The mansion was dim and quiet, the only sound a distance crackle of flames emitting from the living room's fireplace.

Seto stepped silently inside, his footsteps resounding loudly down the empty corridor. A slight knot in his stomach contracted when he saw the hallway's absence of Mokuba–but then his eyes caught hold of the boy's huddled figure on the coach.

It was not at all usual to find Mokuba moping in the dark, and Seto had an uncomfortable feeling that he had assisted in whatever it was that had upset his brother.

"Mokuba?" he asked quietly. "What's up, kid?"

Mokuba lifted his head, his purplish eyes bloodshot, but a somewhat puzzled look set upon his face. It had been a very long time since Seto had called him "kid." In fact, the last time the CEO could even remember calling him that was all the way back at Duelist Kingdom, when he had come to rescue Mokuba from Pegasus's clutches.

A very long while ago.

"Nothing," the boy muttered, hastily wiping away tears. "I was...I was just wondering."

Seto knit his brow and stared at Mokuba, debating over whether he'd even be able to answer whatever it was that his brother was thinking about. No matter how intelligent he was when it came to technology, Seto always failed when things touched even slightly upon emotional issues.

Even so, the CEO opened his mouth and spoke, "What were you wondering?"

There was a hesitant silence. Mokuba shifted from side to side, avoiding eye-contact with his older brother. Then, when he finally seemed to make himself comfortable, he began to mumble in a low voice barely audible above the flames.

"It's dumb, really... But...do you think that Christmas would be different? If Mom and Dad were still around?"

For a moment all that sounded were the flames gnawing greedily at the wood in the fireplace and the distant whistle of wind tapping against a window.

Seto opened his mouth to explain to his brother that their parents were dead–that there was no point imagining what life would be like with a pair of lifeless memories, and yet something stopped him.

Something that might have had to do with Gardner's voice still ringing in the back of his mind.

"I think," he whispered softly, taking a seat next to Mokuba and looking him straight in the eye, "that if our parents were still alive, they wouldn't want you to cry anymore."

Mokuba's mouth broke into a watery smile, and he threw his arms around his brother's waist, sobbing openly and ignoring the fact that he was thirteen instead of nine.

They sat like that for a while, Seto patting Mokuba's head uncomfortably and thinking hard on Gardner's words.

It was only just now, in the dimly lit room, that he fully realized he had basically told Gardner that his past memories still haunted him–if she had even understood what he had meant.

_Maybe Gardner does hold more than a semblance of truth in her words,_ he thought, staring out the window at the flickering Christmas lights Mokuba had dressed the whole house in. _Maybe some of the things she says isn't just senseless ramble... _Part of Seto tried to wash these thoughts away—the calculating, emotionless part that was normally in control—but a different part of him seemed to emerged.

A part of him that had been long-dead for quite some time.

He stared down at his little brother, who was gently slipping into a peaceful slumber. Slowly, Seto's lips formed a small smile.

"Merry Christmas, kid."

**A/N:** Please read and review! And no flames!


	11. The Light That Cannot Be Diminished

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh

**A/N:** Yes, I know, it's horrible how late this is. Still, I hopeguys will enjoy it! Oh, and guess what? Next chapter is the last one! I hope things look like they are winding down. I'd also like to say that this chapter is a birthday present to **Emily **who's birthday was just a few days ago. Please read and review!

**Chapter eleven The Light That Cannot Be Diminished **

Entering school the next day posed as a very awkward situation for Tea. She hadn't spoken to either Kaiba or her friends since yesterday, and quite truthfully, she wasn't too eager to do so. The brunette was sick and tired of being the one who was always trying to do something–the one always meddling and making things worse. She shouldn't have confronted Kaiba about his diary. She shouldn't even have picked it up.

But most of all, she shouldn't have developed this feeling for him.

And yet she couldn't help it. The scene kept playing over and over before her eyes, trailing out longer and more significant each time, as though someone had broken into her mind and was content to press an imaginary "replay" button every time the memory had finished. First, there was Kaiba, eyes hollow and face pale, shouting that the world was empty and black next, her brain's notional camera would turn to face Tea, shaking with rage and confusion, demanding him to admit what he had written. And then things became blurred and surreal, the CEO dropping his head to hands and muttering things she hardly understood. Tea had felt guilty and speechless, yet she still had been able to utter a single word.

_Seto... _

Never even once in her entire life had she ever called him Seto. He had always remained the cold, conceited boy that he was, sneering at her words and friends, pushing away any small attempts of friendships they had offered. But now things were different. _He _was different. And yet...maybe she had just never truly seen him before. Maybe she had only witnessed Kaiba's mask, instead of looking into Seto's soul.

All she really knew was that only one other person had ever called Kaiba by his first name, and that was his little brother. Mokuba loved Seto. What did that say about her?

&&&

The clock was ticking softly beside him, large red numbers flashing from 8:08 to 8:09. Mokuba pulled at the large covers on his bed, yawning sleepily and curling into a more comfortable position. As his gray eyes drifted hazily towards his alarm clock a jolt of horror suddenly took him, quickly seeping through every fiber of his being.

"My alarm clock didn't go off!" he gasped in a panic-stricken voice . "I'm late for school–I'm an hour late!"

He darted out of his room, not even bothering to pull on a pair of slippers as he tumbled down the long staircase.

He came to an ungraceful halt at the foot of the stairs, scrambling over to a familiar butler that happened to pass by.

"Jennings, what's going on? My alarm clock didn't go off!"

But instead of looking confused or worried, the butler's wide, kindly face split into pleased smile. "Don't fret, small sir. Mr. Kaiba called you in sick today."

Mokuba blinked. "Why?"

Jennings' warm expression transformed into a mild interest. "I'm not too sure, myself. Why don't you go ask him?"

The young Kaiba nodded, his heart now thumping in curious excitement as he swiveled around the corridor intotheir rather cavernous living room. Seto's voice floated through the next room's open doors, leaving Mokuba able to catch small bits of the unfinished conversation.

"...No, I won't be coming in to work today. I still expect the prototypes to be finished–do I have to dictate everything to you? Yuroshi had all the details on the errors go to him once you get to the main building. Yes, straight away..."

The young boy plopped down on the plush sofa and waited for his older sibling to finish, a faint, almost surreal hope pulsing through him.

Seto entered the room moments later, an impassive, slightly confused look settled on his face. Almost like a silent resignation, thought Mokuba, though he was certain there was a ghost of a smile hovering weakly over his lips.

"Hey, kid. You're already up?"

"Seto, what's going on?" Mokuba asked immediately, unable to conceal the uneasiness in his voice. "Why aren't you going to work? How come I'm not at school?"

The CEO brushed his umber bangs off his face, though the action seemed to take longer than was needed, as if he were actually stalling for time.

"You wanted a Christmas tree, didn't you?"

&&&

The day proved to be just as dissatisfactory as the brunette had expected. Joey remained distant and clinical, as though afraid he may catch some sort of deadly germ from her. And even worse, he seemed determined in making sure Yugi did not catch whatever sickness must be plaguing her as well; he dragged the clueless boy away whenever Yugi merely caught her eye.

Tea was beginning to fear that her friendship with Joey might actually end. How long could he possibly hold a grudge? She had never seriously thought how the boy would take her sudden feelings for the CEO and should have realized that the situation would not mesh with one, Joey Wheeler.

The words she had preached so many times suddenly sounded false and meager, like something you might hear in a fairytale–something that was not real. She had ducked behind her math book during second period, swallowing the painful lump in her throat and wondering if this was how Kaiba felt whenever he heard her speak of companionship's strong bond.

She had noticed he was not in school today and wondered vaguely if he was avoiding her too.

The classes inched by agonizingly slow, and Tea suppressed the urge to jump for joy when the life-giving bell finally rung. She slammed her locker closed and rushed outside, her heart lifting very slightly when she realized it was once again snowing. The powdery dust settled atop the crunchy black ice and masked the town in a gentle beauty.

She pulled her jacket tighter and made her way down the block, enjoying the twinkling lights of green and red that shimmered softly in the cold afternoon breeze. Her troubled mind had almost been entirely forgotten of until she caught sight of them only half a block away.

Yugi trotting alongside Joey and Tristan, their voices muffled against the winds, but happy and carefree. Something cold and hard gripped around Tea's heart, crushing it between strong fingers. Every word she had ever uttered about friendship was now pounding loudly in her ears, almost taunting her as she remembered, staring straight ahead.

_You were wrong, weren't you? _A cynical voice whispered darkly in her ear. _They're not always there for you, are they? _

Something inside of Tea crumpled. Her insides, writhing in angst, disappeared completely, leaving her empty and hollow, except for a resounding ache that seemed to echo through her entire body. She had never once believed that her friends would abandon her–and she was not going to start now. She had always trusted they would love and understand her, and she shouldn't begin to doubt that trust now, no matter what the odds were.

"Hey, guys!"

Yugi turned around immediately, beaming as he thrust his hand over his head and waved brightly. Tristan gave a weak, faded smile, but Joey didn't even turn around, head bent low as his brown eyes blared down at the powdery snow.

Sick hurt and disappointment seeped through the girl at the sight of his reaction, but she shoved it aside, determined in settling the matter once and for all.

"Hi, Tea," Yugi replied, apparently oblivious to the others reactions. "I didn't see you so much today, is everything okay?"

Her insides had returned, and they were now squirming uncomfortably in nerves and guilt.

"Everything's fine..." she mumbled. "But Yugi, there's something I need to tell you, _all_ of you, and I hope you'll understand."

Slight confusion clouded the boy's innocent face, but he nodded, still looking up at Tea with curious, purple eyes.

From the doubtful, almost expecting look on Tristan's face, Tea was certain that Joey had informed him of their last meeting. They had evidently kept information from Yugi in an attempt not crush his spirit's even further than they had already been downtrodden.

She took a gasping breath, fixed her eyes upon Joey's unmoving back, and spoke, "I know that some of you are angry at me. And I won't deny you have a right to be; I should have trusted you all and told you everything–but I haven't felt exactly normal lately, and I never meant to hurt any of you-"

"Never meant ta hurt any uh us!" Joey exclaimed, swiveling around and glaring hard at her. "So what did ya mean ta do by dumpin' Yugi for Kaiba?"

The words cut swift and sharp through the air, leaving a permanent imprint on her ears and heart. Yugi's already bewildered eyes seem to literally dim in hurt as he stared at her, mouth falling slightly open. His hurt hit her soul in vibrant pangs, until she could feel its intensity just as clearly as he was feeling it, throbbing painfully through every bit of her.

"It's not anything like that," she explained in an almost shrilly voice. "I really like you, Yugi, and I seriously would have gone to the dance with you, I mean it. But for some reasons the words wouldn't come out, and I didn't know why. I was horrified at how obviously blind I was to everything around me, but as much as I'd like to, I couldn't say what I would have loved to."

Yugi's eyes were wide and blank, but they held no loath or skepticism as they gazed upon her, only a distant sorrowing. And yet something about that sorrow–that painful understanding–was worse than even the strongest form of hatred Yugi could ever hope to give off. She felt both vile and shameful, as though she were crumbling an innocent soul. The quavering emotion that was slowly piling up inside her was reaching an alarmingly high level, and she was sure that if he uttered one word it would burst forth and ruin everything.

"So instead I said I'll think about it," she continued, her voice unnaturally high and shaky. "And–and you guys knew what I was basically trying to say, and it was horribly selfish of me. I've been very selfish lately, and not just to all of you."

She heard Joey let out a low, dark snort, but ignored him, her insides still squirming painfully.

"I shouldn't have read Kaiba's diary. I tried to apologize to him, Yugi, just like you told me to. But he's so extremely stubborn that I don't think he'll ever realize how sorry I am. But one thing's for certain–he's not who I thought he was. He's been through...a lot," Tea added vaguely, "and he's more complex a person than I could have ever thought. Money didn't make his life perfect, and after reading everything he wrote, I know deep down he's not all ice. I know it's foolish, but I have this strange feeling that he...that he needs me."

Half the words that had escaped her lips she had not meant to say, though she did not regret them once spoken. They were all true. It was as though in her desperate attempt to explain to her friends, she, Tea, was beginning to understand.

"But I shouldn't have gambled our friendships with lies and secrets," she spoke strongly, her lips twitching into a guilty, but loving smile. "I swear, our companionship means more than that to me. I...I know it's difficult. I don't expect you to understand. But please, _trust me. _I never meant to hurt you, Yugi. _Or _any of you guys, Joey and Tristan."

Her cerulean eyes flitted across her friends' emotionless faces, a meager ounce of hope gurgling in her throat. Perhaps she had gotten through to them...perhaps there was a glimmer of light in this massive black curtain...

But Joey did not even blink as he turned away, eyes drained of all warmth and compassion–transforming them into brown chips of stone, devoid of all feeling. Tea tried to call out to him, but her vocal cords tightened up against her, and all she was able to do was muster a feeble cry as Tristan turned to follow.

She thought a cold draft must have blown over her mind, leaving it numb and icy. The images passing before her eyes were dim and flickering, like a failing movie, something that was false and surreal. Words were pounding in her ears, her own words, but they were loud and chaotic, foreign to her ears. She could no longer understand them.

Panic suddenly leaped in her chest, all the air escaping from her lungs. A thought struck her–if she stayed here a moment longer, she would surly die. The glints of snow that flew all around her would build up and suffocate her; and as loud as she called out, no one would ever hear her...

She began to walk away.

"Tea, _WAIT!_"

The girl turned around, a strange emotion crashing over her. Yugi Mouto was rushing towards her through the fluttering snowflakes, his large eyes wet with tears. He flung his arms over her, wrapping her in a tight embrace, eyes squeezed shut tight.

"You were with me all throughout Duelist Kingdom and Battle City, and never once did you try to leave or abandon me. You always stood there by my side, encouraging me and making me stronger. Tea, you're my _friend _and nothing could ever change that, no matter what. I trust you, and if you say that you never meant to hurt me, and if you say Kaiba's got a heart, I'll believe you."

For some reason it took the brunette a long time to realize she was crying as well, and she dropped to her knees, ignoring the wet snow that soaked them, and hugged her best friend back.

There came the crunching of footsteps and she looked up, Tristan standing before her. His eyes were no longer hard and impassive, but guilty, even if a slight confusion still mingling inside of them.

"Yugi's right," he stated strongly. "You've been with us through all this time, and we shouldn't let something as stupid as this get in the way of our friendship. I believe you too, Tea." He held out his hand for her to grab it.

Now only one person stood alone, a few feet away, his thick blonde hair flecked with dots of snow. Every fiber of his being was quivering with emotion, though he was not sure what the feeling was anymore. Anger? Guilt? Sadness? Or was it simply all of those things, rolled into one? He suddenly felt foolish and selfish, but more pronounced than ever, _alone_. He had never felt so alone.

"Tea!" Joey Wheeler called out, rushing over to meet his friends. "Listen," he started, stumbling to a halt and reddening with shame. "I don't like Kaiba and I never will. I think anybody who believes he's gotta speck of emotion is outta their minds, but I'll make an exception, okay? I'll make an exception for ya."

Tea's face broke into a watery smile as she took his hand and shook it, sniffling with tears of unsuppressed joy. And as the teenagers gathered around her, eyes warm and smiles comforting, she seemed to only just discover that she could never have asked for better friends.

&&&

Strange, but as the CEO padded through the store, bustling with customers, her voice was still ringing in his mind. But with Mokuba tugging on Seto's sleeve, eyes alight with joy, the words suddenly seemed less faltering and more real. Maybe the world was not as bad as he thought.

But every time this thought entered his mind, the nagging remembrance of how it could be diminished, like so long ago, entered his brain as well, and he suddenly realized that he could not deal with that loss again. He could not fall again.

But then Gardner's voice returned, loud, yet kinder than he had remembered, speaking of Mokuba, and how Seto thought of him separate from the world's dark cruelty. And it was true. Mokuba was different, very different. But why was that? What made him so divided from everything else?

_Because Mokuba was always there for you, _a voice inside his mind spoke. _Mokuba never left–he understands. Mokuba is the light that cannot be diminished. _

Seto blinked as his little brother led him over to a particularly large tree, shattering his train of thought.

"What about this one, Seto? It's really big, so I think it will look nice in the living room. Kind of like the one at the Tree Lighting, right?"

The CEO's eyes took the pine in, the salesperson ringing his hands nervously besides it. It was tall and strong, the rich, dark green of its leaves bright and blaring. It did resemble the one at the Tree Lighting--dull and dead, yet waiting for its moment of glory, where bright colors would emerge all around it, and it would shine. Just like the day Seto Hashishima had gone to see it with his mother, back when he was only four. Seto Hashishima would have liked the tree that stood before the CEO now. And yet, maybe the orphan was not dead at all. Perhaps he was still here, standing right before this tree as well.

"Alright," Seto replied, looking over at his little brother. "If you like it."

Mokuba grinned widely as the salesperson eagerly began mentioning prices.

&&&

"It was over-priced you know. That much for a tree?" The car came to a halt and Seto stepped out, Mokuba scrambling up besides him.

"Come on, Seto, loosen up. It's not like we couldn't afford it or anything," the boy answered, rushing towards the mansion. "I'm gonna get Jennings and the others to help us carry the tree inside!"

Seto couldn't suppress smiling as Mokuba ran through the front doors. He had never truly realized how simple it was to make his little brother happy.

The clatter of footsteps crunching against the snow broke his concentration, and he turned around, his heart ceasing to beat when his eyes fell upon who was walking down the block.

Gardner's face was red and blotchy, and her teary eyes gave off the distinct impression that she had been crying. Still, she was beaming at the snowy mansions around her, and her smile was brighter than Seto had thought possible.

As soon as she saw him, however, her grin faded, eyes widening in shock. She fumbled with her fingers, and Seto knew she was thinking about what he had told her yesterday.

"_Don't_ _ever try to talk to me again!"_

The words rang clear and hard in his memory, and even as they spoke, a prickle of anger ran through him, recalling all the memories she had shoved in his face, and all the lies she had spouted about being sorry for reading that damn journal in the first place.

But then he caught hold of her eyes, crystal blue and shining. _Like a light, _he suddenly thought. _A light just like Mokuba, something world's cruelty can't diminish... _

"Sorry," Tea muttered, looking down at the floor and walking passed him. "Excuse me."

"You have nice eyes," Seto said abruptly. The words had already escaped him before he could even think of stopping them. "They're different from the rest of the world. They aren't cruel and sadistic."

Tea whipped her head around, astonished, but a small smile lit her face before she spoke, "Thank you."

As she turned to walk away, Mokuba came tumbling down the stairs, followed by a few of their burliest employees.

"Come on, Seto, I want to get this decorated! Hey–was that Tea?" he asked, peering down the block. All that was left of the girl was a shrinking silhouette.

"Never mind," the CEO muttered, helping Jennings heft the large tree-trunk over his shoulder. "You want to get this inside, don't you?"

It didn't take too long to get the pine into the living room, though some of the maids winced when they saw all the needles it dragged across the floor. Mokuba jogged hastily upstairs to get Christmas decorations and almost spilled half the box when he tripped on a loose string of tinsel.

As the day dwindled down into dusk, Seto was unable to avoid the pronounced surrealism that every hour had given off. Even the soft, glistening lights of newly owned tree felt false and alien to the house. But most unreal of all was Gardner, smiling lightly and thanking him, her eyes beaming brightly. Why had he said that to her? The cold-hearted Seto Kaiba would never say such a thing. And yet he couldn't ignore the fact that every blue decoration Mokuba had pulled out of the dusty box had reminded him of her.

He sat there, fiddling with the golden star that was supposed to be placed on top of the tree when a memory struck him. He stood up, stuffed the star in his trench coat, and called over Mokuba.

"Yeah?" the boy asked, dusting loose pine needles off his pants. He yelped madly as Seto boosted him onto his shoulders, teetering wildly.

"Seto!" Mokuba gasped. "What-what are you doing?"

He had thrown his arms around his older brother's neck, clutching it so tightly he was almost choking him.

"You're the youngest," Seto replied. "You have to put the star on top."

Gripping his little brother's leg firmly with one hand, he pulled out the decoration and handed it to Mokuba.

The boy placed the star onto the tree and clambered onto the floor, rushing over to every lamp in the room and extinguishing it.

Standing in the dim room, Mokuba's broad smile was the only light brighter than the shining tree, Seto had to admit it felt like Christmas.

**A/N:** There we have it. Only one more chapter left--hopefully coming up soon! I'm getting very excited. Please read and review!


	12. Fairy Tales

**Chapter twelve **

Upon waking up the next morning, for a fleeting second, Tea still thought she could feel the heavy weight of her mistakes pulling down at her soul–but only for a second. The emotion evaporated in an instance, leaving her lighter and more free than she had felt in ages. The swelling happiness building in her heart was reaching quaking limits, and as she threw open her window, laced with ice, she had the utmost desire to become a bird and soar through the cold, early-morning sky. Anything seemed possible.

She had lived through her murky nightmare, braced her pained troubles, reached the end of her crashing storm, and found that happy endings are, indeed, possible.

_Her friends accepted her._

The world suddenly seemed bright and cheerful, tinted with the joyous colors of green and red, the wind singing jingling melodies of Christmas carols. She breathed in the sweet, sharp air and turned over to her dresser, grinning as she pulled out her folded uniform.

But something caused her to pause and lift her face up slowly to the glassy portrait of the girl in the mirror–her reflection. Tea's hair was tangled and unruly, hanging in limp tufts around her face, which was pasty in the cool morning light. Yet the brunette was not focusing on her rough appearance, but the wide, cerulean orbs that gazed back at her through the glass, now slightly puzzled, but still vivid and alight.

"_You have nice eyes. They're different from the rest of the world. They aren't cruel and sadistic." _

The words rang in her head like a forgotten song suddenly recalled, beautiful, yet surreal, making her eyes grow brighter, and her heart flutter in a strange, flitting pattern. She had nice eyes. _Seto Kaiba _had told her that she had nice eyes. She stood in a trance, reliving the moment, remembering how she had smiled as she turned away and the sound of Mokuba's distant footsteps thudding towards the CEO from the mansion.

The wind whistled gently through the open window, sending glistening flakes of snow dancing before her eyes–eyes whose light could not be diminished–and the brunette smiled.

Perhaps fairy tales weren't as far off as people might think.

&&&

Mai's ears echoed with the heightening _whoosh _that resounded loudly as she swooped down the long, winding road. A noise that–on many other occasions–had sent the purest thrills of excitement streaming through her very being, resulting in her leaving the sluggish speed-limit even farther behind than usual.

But not today.

Blonde locks tumbling forcefully in the breeze, the woman gripped the steering wheel with unneeded firmness and let out a highly unladylike sigh. In fact, it was more of a grunt and clashed painfully with her feminine appearance. But as she zoomed down the deserted street, seething in nothing more than her own company, Mai had finally let her soul-shattering disappointment get the better of her.

"_Honestly!_" she spat angrily, throwing the word into the whipping wind. "I've seen _children_ duel better than that! Here I come for a challenge, and what do I get? _Amateurs! _And what a ridiculous prize, a scrimpy hundred bucks...that trophy's not even real gold!"

As if to state its presence, the tiny trophy rattled and shook dangerously in the backseat, where she had thrown in carelessly, and the reminder of its existence sent a stabbing annoyance ringing throughout Mai's whole body.

"Somebody better put up another _real _tournament soon, I need a rematch with Yugi..."

Easing ever-so-slightly on the gas-pedal, Mai's boiling thoughts cooled just enough for her to remember Tea turning the poor boy down to some prom, and how she had confronted the brunette on the matter. A meeting that had ended in hysterical tears, confused emotions, and the mentioning of a mysterious "him."

The blonde sighed. The incident had certainly sent a few twangs of guilt bubbling within her, but she had been unable to wipe away all of her deepened annoyance for the girl–which was particularly why she had decided that a Duel Tournament was in order. She needed to get her mind off Yugi and Tea and the silly little "love triangle" that had somehow formed.

Still, the hovering note that the brunette must have fallen for someone else had continuously poked at the back of her mind, forming semiconsciously into an obsession, and Mai found herself finally giving into plowing over the matter.

Tea had denied any of her male friends, including Joey, Tristan, or Bakura. She had even objected to the ancient pharaoh that resided inside Yugi's puzzle–someone, who Mai had to admit, the girl had always seemed rather taken to.

_So then who was it? _Mai racked her brains furiously, but to no avail. Every result came to a dead end. Sighing, the woman cleared her mind completely of the meager tournament and singled out all she knew of Tea Garden.

And suddenly it came to her. Fast and sudden, like a ton of bricks, aching with sharp realization. _Of course. _How could she have forgotten? The small tidbits of information slowly began to come together, like tiny pieces of a complex jigsaw puzzle that's picture had long-since faded.

"_Mai, can you keep a secret? I found Seto Kaiba's journal in school today..." "I don't know why I feel this way. I don't know why this happened..." _

Grinning like a detective who just solved a particularly difficult mystery, she snatched her cell-phone and fumbled to dial a number while keeping her eyes half-heartedly on the road. Pressing it hard against her ear, she listened to the dull ringing until someone picked up.

"Hey, Joey. Did she tell you yet? She likes Seto Kaiba, doesn't she?"

&&&

Seto Kaiba hardly slept all night. Hours lingered by tauntingly, hovering over him like some sort of wretched plague. Darkness pressed firmly against his eyeballs, but he was unable to brush off the whirlwind of thoughts that hazed and muddled his brain.

What was happening to him? Why, suddenly, had he decided the need to embrace the Christmas holiday, to reemerge long-lost traditions that he normally kept stored within the innermost corners of his mind? This was not the way the emotionless, supposedly cold-hearted CEO was meant to act. And yet, he couldn't deny how _happy _it made him, seeing Mokuba so overjoyed...

When a fragile, shaky sleep finally forced his eyes closed, blurred events and past-histories flashed by too fast for him to comprehend, though he knew they were morbid and weighty with trauma, dragging him down stealthily.

—_A tiny, brown-haired, blue-eyed child stands garbed in a suit, nibbling his fingernail as he gazes upon the strange, alien atmosphere, the mob of milling people, all grave and silent. And for a child "gifted" with such intelligence, he's unable to decipher why his mother is lying so stiff and cold within a casket, and why his father keeps shaking so violently, crushing the boy's small shoulder too tightly under his firm grip— _

—_the same child stands firmly against the policeman's words, who keeps stating again and again the lie that his father is dead, over the enhancing sobs of a minute Mokuba, who's clutching his big brother's forearm for support— _

—_the child is older now, changed, hardened, as he fights tirelessly against the bullies that torment his precious brother, the matron that refuses to see reason, protecting, protecting, protecting...he knows they need to get out of here—_

—_Mokuba's crying. Why is he crying? The child is a young man now, sitting at his desk, working feverishly, studying continuously, pounding the text into his fatigued brain. Distantly, he knows his lip is bleeding, but he's numb to the pain, numb to everything. Except Mokuba's cries. Why is he crying...?— _

The images overpowered him, choked him, smothered him. Seto could feel himself dying underneath the dense torment that swirled thick around him like smoke. He could hear Mokuba crying, the sobs shrill and distant, but couldn't weed the smaller sibling out through the darkness. Pain stabbed swift and sharp through the CEO's mind, and he fell to his knees, struggling to stand upright.

"I want to help you, Seto."

The voice echoed unseen throughout the void, every inch of the strange area shrouded in a smoky grayness. It seemed to clash greatly with the oppressive, haunting environment that engulfed him, somehow kind and comforting. It seemed unreal, yet familiar...so familiar...he had heard it once before...

"Gardner?"

The piercing beeps of the alarm clock startled him into a wake.

&&&

For the second time that day, Tea found herself before her bedroom mirror. Only this time, her short hair had been twisted up as elegantly as possible, only a few wisps escaping the the ponytail she had just been able to pull it into. Her fingers smoothed the silken fabric of her dress unnecessarily, and she couldn't help but grin back at her reflection.

Outside her window, icy snowflakes had resumed falling, crusting the neighborhood with yet another layer of the thick, glistening whiteness. The wind carried the scent of peppermint and pine-needles–or, perhaps, it was just her imagination? There were times when the brunette had felt almost certain she were walking amidst a dream, one both extraordinary and wonderful, but a dream nonetheless.

Yet here she stood, shivering from the chill of the open window, very much aware that she was garbed in the extravagant gown Mai had so generously bought her, and was about to attend the prom that she had once dreaded going to–now quite excited for it.

Recalling Mai, the brunette frowned slightly. She wondered how the young woman would react once she discovered Tea's reasons behind not going to the dance with Yugi. She could still remember how Mai's lovely features had been contorted with such anger, such _wrath, _it had seemed almost impossible that she'd ever forgive Tea.

_Then again, _the brunette reminded herself, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips,_ if I could convince Joey to accept things, I can convince anyone. _

The door creaked open, and Mrs. Gardner poked her head inside, pushing her glasses to a more steady position on the bridge of her nose. Her eyes widened appraisingly when she caught sight of her daughter, a grin sliding across her face.

"So, this is the dress your blonde friend bought you, huh?"

Tea nodded, blushing embarrassedly at her mother's smile, and smoothed the creaseless fabric needlessly once more.

"How do I look?"

"Stunning, of course!" the brunette's mother answered immediately, brushing a few strands of loose hair off her daughter's face. "So, are you going to the prom with him?"

"Who, Yugi?" Tea answered, batting her mother's hand away. A familiar squirm of shame squeezed her gut uncomfortably. Even though everything had worked out in the end, she couldn't help but feel guilty when she remembered Yugi's crestfallen gaze at her answer to his invite.

"No," Mrs. Gardner spoke. "The other one. You know," she shot promptly when Tea gave her a baffled look. "You didn't want to go with Yugi because of someone else."

For a moment, all stood silent. Tea had quite forgotten that her mother had been the first to suggest that it was because of someone else that she hadn't agreed to go with Yugi. Her thoughts flitted towards Kaiba and she momentarily choked. The thought of him–with his steely blue eyes and bitter attitude–attending a prom was almost comical. Then again, a lot of ridiculous things had proven possible in these last few days, and Tea couldn't help but smile at the remembrance of them all. Still, she deeply doubted the chance of Kaiba making an abrupt entrance at the dance, even if she _did _believe her words had somehow affected him.

So the brunette merely turned to her mother, a thoughtful smile on her lips, and answered, "You know, I really couldn't say."

&&&

The clock was ticking by loudly, thrumming somewhat annoyingly in his eardrums. Seto sighed and tapped his fingers impatiently over the keys. Of course, the bumbling idiots he claimed "employees" had succeeded in throwing the business into a state of utter chaos while he was gone.

And yet, oddly enough, he found himself incapable of concentrating on the work set before him. He focused his eyes on the blocky words that decorated the computer-screen, but found his mind kept floating elsewhere, back to his dream, back to Mokuba, back to, even, Christmas...

What was the point? Yes, originally, Christmas had harbored some meaning, but not anymore. Like everything else, it was now a advertisement, a commercial, just another chance to sell more products...make more money...But then his thoughts flashed back to Mokuba, so happy, so enlightened, his face painted by the colored lights of their newly-owned Christmas tree. And, perhaps...perhaps...that's what Christmas truly meant.

He stared around the bland, colorless room he was seated in, a very strange emotion clawing at his numbed heart, rising thick and rapidly into his throat, choking him. He suddenly felt as though these walls were closing in on him, like he wasn't supposed to be here, like something was _missing_. He sat still and erect within his chair, eyes blaring into the screen, becoming stiff and sullen–but the feeling only grew more pronounced, hazing his thoughts, screaming shrilly in his ears. It pounded loudly through his mind, like some sort of plaguing chant:

_You shouldn't be here, you shouldn't be here, you shouldn't be here... _But where was a CEO supposed to be if not at his company? And what could possibly be missing? All the necessary files had been uploaded onto the computer, the prototypes of his next duel disk were ready for testing, everything seemed to be in place...

He stood up abruptly, almost against his will, and began pacing the office, his brain throbbing painfully within his skull. Finally, he strode over to the door and pulled it open, making his way quickly down the corridor, avoiding eye-contact with any of the employees who were all beginning to close up for Christmas break.

He wasn't supposed to be here.

He was going to find out where he was supposed to be.

&&&

The prom was dim, crowded, and noisy. The music drummed audibly in the wide auditorium, which was dressed in holly and mistletoe, and seemed to hold a certain amount of comfort and Christmas cheer. Filled with friends and joy, to Tea, it seemed like paradise.

She let out a merry laugh when she caught sight of Joey–scowling as he mopped up some of the sticky, red liquid that was dribbling down what was probably his most expensive shirt. Mai had made an abrupt, rather dramatic entrance, resulting in the shocked boy spilling punch all down his front.

The blonde's presence had stabbed Tea with jolts of both worry and alarm. She didn't think the woman knew how she felt about Kaiba, but seeing how she had last left the blonde on a rather bitter note, she wasn't too keen on speaking with her right away. Attempting to melt into the crowd, she held her breath as Mai weeded her way through the thick throng of people towards her.

But when they were finally face to face, Mai's features did not contort into an angry rage, nor did she ball her fists and shout at Tea. On the contrary, she swung her arm around the brunette's shoulders and let out a hearty laugh.

"You know, hon, you could have just _told _me...you acted like it was the end of the world or something! What a drama queen you are!"

Between the booming music and the jostling mob, it took Tea's brain a few moments to comprehend what Mai had just said to her. When it did, she found herself gaping openly, staring at the blonde with wide, shocked orbs.

"You think_ I'm_ a drama queen?" she blurted out almost instinctively. "After everything you did–wait! You–you _know_?" Tea had to strain her voice even louder of the room's increasing volume. "And you're not mad?"

"_Mad?" _Mai chuckled, as though the very thought of feeling angry at such a humorous situation was simply unreasonable. "Tea–I think it's _hilarious! _You'll make weirdest couple of the year!"

"But–" spluttered the brunette. "But–but–Yugi–"

"Just met a sweet little girl," Mai finished for her, winking. "Which means your off the hook."

Emerging from the constantly mobile, chattering crowd, Tea caught hold of two small figures making their way towards them. One, whose spiky hair easily betrayed him as Yugi, and another unrecognizable person, whom could be seen clutching his hand.

"Tea!" Yugi shouted over the taller heads of the dense mob. "Have you met Jing? She's the new foreign-exchange student from China!"

A petite girl stepped into view, waving shyly, bouncy black curls framing a rosy face. Grinning, the brunette's eyes locked on Yugi's violet ones, and for the first time in what seemed like ages, they shone. The shattered, dimming light that had for so long housed the boy's eyes had been thrown away, replaced by the brightest, most gloriously jubilance illumination Tea had ever seen.

It was as though a heavy, blackened anchor had suddenly been lifted from her aching back. Happiness seemed to overrun Tea's entire body, ringing in her every fiber, swelling her heart wide enough to burst–it was almost overpowering. The brunette found she could do nothing more but stand there, grinning at her best friend's joy, completely guiltless, tears glimmering on her eyelashes like gems. And yet, suddenly, abruptly, the tiniest inkling of sadness crept stealthily into her inflated heart. Smile fading slightly, the brunette discovered the cause immediately.

Something was missing.

She thrashed her head from side to side, but everything seemed in order, everything seemed in place. She was surrounded by friends and happiness. Everywhere she turned was painted with red and green lights, trimmed with holly. This was the way things were suppose to be–this was her Christmas dream. What could possibly be missing?

"Hey, hey, Tea!"

The brunette turned towards the familiar voice, unsurprised to see Joey moving his way roughly through the crowd, blotches of punch still visible on his shirt, though considerably lightened from red to pink. Tea couldn't help noticing that there was something slightly strained about his smile.

"Someone's waitin' for ya."

Shooting him a confused look, she followed his gaze until her eyes fell onto whom he was speaking of.

Shock paralyzed her entire body. The waves of utter surprise seemed to numb her completely of the world around her, shrouding all in a thick, colorful fog.

A quick jab in the small of her back returned her to reality. Mai was shoving her towards the doorway where he stood. The surreal haze that blurred her vision made her feel as if she were floating rather than walking.

Seto Kaiba's brown hair was tousled and wet with snow. Bangs hung before his blue eyes, eyes that, though confused and irritated, appeared somehow different, _changed_. With a sharp jolt of realization, it suddenly became evident to Tea what was so different–

_Some of the ice had melted. _

She opened her mouth to speak, even though her mind was blank and useless, thoughts muffled with shock. Kaiba held up his hand, cutting her off immediately.

"Listen," he said furiously. "You've said _enough _to me these last few days. Now it's my turn. I don't understand you at all. Hell, I don't even understand why I'm here. Why did everything I write in that book mean so much to you? Why did you insist on 'helping' me? I'm not one of your silly friends–I'm your best friend's _opponent_. Why are you making me doubt what I've believed all my life? Why did I run out and buy my brother a Christmas tree yesterday? Why is it that every time I see something the color blue, I immediately think about you? Why is it, that every time I'm around you, I feel like Seto Hashishima isn't really dead?"

He stopped speaking, and almost instinctively, the two looked up to the green piece of mistletoe dangling over there heads.

And he kissed her.

Gazing incredulously at him, blind to the wide-eyed stares they were receiving from half the prom, Tea wasn't the only one to realize what had been missing.

&&&

–**Christmas Day– **

"Big brother, wake up, wake up, it's Christmas!"

Something kept poking annoyingly at the CEO's face, each jab driving him further away from sleep and into awareness.

"Come on, Seto, I know you're awake. _Get up!" _

Sighing, he gave up on ignoring his brother and sat upright, blinking sleep out of his eyes while Mokuba glared at him impatiently. From the excited glimmer in his eye, Seto knew the boy had probably already snuck downstairs to see all the glistening packages settled underneath the tree and was itching to open them.

"Come on," Mokuba argued, grabbing his wrist and tugging him into the hallway and down the stairs. "Someone left you a package outside on the doormat. There's a note attached to it, but whoever it was left too early for me to see them."

Once they reached the living room, Mokuba dove into his parcels, most of which were from Seto, a few from friends he made at school. Unable to resist smiling at him, the CEO padded over to the doorway and pulled it open, eyes falling upon the thin package at his feet. He bent down to pick it up when he heard soft voices emitting from a group huddled on the sidewalk.

A pack of tiny, ragged children were treading through the snowy ground, each clutching a tin can. _Children from the orphanage, _Seto thought, _the ones that go caroling and never come by here... _

"Lets go, Kado, we won't be getting anything by this house," a little girl was saying, pulling hard on a boy's hand. He had abnormally bright red hair, hair that seemed to glow even more noticeably in the early morning-light.

"But we've never tried!" he answered stubbornly. "Maybe, if we do, we'll get something. Everyone else is just too afraid to go up."

"For a _reason," _the girl persisted. "The person who lives here has a cold heart, everyone knows that..."

Without thinking, Seto found himself back in his living room, pulling open drawers until he found some money. Slipping into the first pair of shoes he came across, he walked back out the door, followed by a curious Mokuba, and dropped the money into the little boy's can.

Grinning wide enough to show a gap where two front teeth should have been, Kado looked the girl straight in the eye and whispered, "I told you so."

Her freckled face flushing, the girl avoided both Kaibas' eyes and continued to tug on Kado's sleeve. The group slowly began to shuffle away, but not before the redhead-boy had whipped around and yelled "Thank you!" over the quiet chattering of the children.

Looking over to his right, he found Mokuba smirking at him, his hair a messy tangle of ebony strands.

"What?" Seto asked shortly, almost irritably, as his brother turned around to make his way back to the house.

"Nothing," Mokuba answered, though the smirk was still quite evident on his face, and his voice held the air of someone quite amused. "Maybe they'll come by next year now..."

Reaching the porch, Seto finally picked up the package placed on the doormat, staring at the plain gold wrappings, the tiny, folded note taped to the cover. Somehow, he thought he knew who it was from...

He tore off the paper, revealing a small, black book, the words "my journal" printed in gold ink. A replica of his last diary. Peeling the note off the wrapping-paper, he opened it to find only two sentences written in a tidy, scripted hand.

"_I promise, this time, I won't read it. Merry Christmas." _

Gazing at the short sentence for a full minute, his suspicions confirmed, Seto suddenly let out a laugh.

"Merry Christmas to you, too," he paused, then added,"Tea."

As he headed back inside, gripping the book firmly, he was bombarded by boxes from his little brother, all presents Mokuba insisted he open right away.

He knew that nothing was missing.

Perhaps fairytales weren't as far off as people might think.

**The End **

Note: I want to thank everyone whose ever taken the time to read this fanfic! You are the people that kept me going, kept me writing, even through the times when I found it difficult to continue. Because of you, I've been able to finish my first chapter story posted. I shall always be thankful for your reviews!

_"What I Thought Was You" is dedicated to **Caorann fridh Bronach**, who helped me through this story, always correcting grammar, and was there when I needed to ask her if someone was out of character. She took the time to read and correct every chapter I sent her, and her kind words always got me to continue, even when it was hard. To you, Caorann, I bow my head, and value our friendship greatly! _


End file.
